Saturday, August 24, 2013

WHERE AND WHO AM I?




"Before I can tell my life what to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am."
                               Parker Palmer

What is God calling me to do? Where is God calling me to go? Where do I belong? These persistent questions have circled back to the center of my prayers many times during my life. 
  From the beginning, two inner voices have been speaking to me: one saying, "Henri, be sure you make it on your own. Be sure you become an independent person. Be sure I can be proud of you, " and another one saying, "Henri, whatever you are going to do, even if you don't do anything interesting in the eyes of the world, be sure you stay close to the heart of Jesus; be sure you stay close to the heart of God."

Discernment: Reading the Signs of Daily Life by Henri J. M. Nouwen
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The quote by Parker Palmer and the questions posed by Henri Nouwen speak deeply and poignantly to where I have found myself these past few months and at this present moment. When I read them it was as if a laser pierced through my soul and went to the center of my heart! I have pondered these questions at various places in my life and all of them have involved change. Change, both exciting and often frightening at the same time.  There is always a sense of shifting in my inner person, sometimes subtle,  sometimes gentle and sometimes unsettling as if the platelets of my soul were going to erupt like the movement of the earth before it quakes.

During this present time of change in my life I am  asking the questions that Henri Nouwen presents and the wisdom of Parker Palmer, "Before I can tell my life what to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am."

Where am I being invited? What is it that burns within me and calls me to a different space? Where do I find joy, purpose and renewal? Where is life poured into me and where do I pour life into others? Where is not only that physical space but the Sacred one? All of this compels  within.

I know without doubt I find these answers in the quietude of silence and solitude where the busyness of my mind can rest and take refuge. It is where I can replenish, find peace and gently listen.  It prepares me and opens the doors to community where I can pay attention to what is spoken from the hearts of my friends, family, acquaintances and strangers. It is here that if I am attentive I can hear the inner voice of the Creator speak through them affirming and sometimes questioning my direction in love and sometimes addressing and seeing where I am blind.

Who am I at 60? Who are you at whatever age and place you are in your journey? Are you being invited, perhaps once again to discover, to awaken to a new unexplored and exciting space? Consider the questions of Nouwen and what are the choices you are being drawn to?

"Before I can tell my life what to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am."
                               Parker Palmer



Wednesday, August 21, 2013

THE CHRIST OF REALITY



As I have transitioned these past few months adjusting to my life in a new way I have come to know Christ in a way of pragmatism, simplicity and reality. I am reminded of so many things such as the Celtic saying that hangs on my wall "Bidden or unbidden, God is Present." A simple but powerful statement "invited or not invited, God is Here!" I invite you to take a moment to ponder this, to reflect and to realize. 

I sense God in "Spiritual Conversations" but what about our every day conversations, our conversations about the challenges in our lives? Our domestic lives, financial, health, our concerns for today and maybe even tomorrow? What about our emotional times? Oh yes, we sense God in our joyful and happy times but what about the times of disappointment, anger, frustration and depression? Do we sense God then? Often not but yet God is Present. I am beginning to learn that more and more. Is God present in my fears? Am I able to know that presence then or just when I am at peace? I am beginning to learn that if, by grace I take a breath perhaps even after I have changed the color of a room with my "creative" language that yes....God is Present. I am also learning that Presence through the voices of my friends who often see more clearly into my situation and speak truth, in love. When they do this that Presence that speaks through them dispels my fears, releases me into freedom and grants both grace and courage to take the next step. It is in the every day life that when attentive I know that Divine Presence.

I also have discovered in my readings and most recently through St. Therese of Avila who has been one of my companions on the journey says:

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.” 
― Teresa of Ávila.

So it happens, so it becomes real to the core of my being. It becomes a chant, a prayer, a song but most of all...... a reality.

The song "Day by Day" also resonates within during these times:

Day by day
Oh Dear Lord 
Three things I pray
To see thee more clearly
Love thee more dearly
Follow thee more nearly
Day by day

The Christ of Reality is present, invited or not invited, day by day.