It has been a month since I last communicated and much has taken place. On March 23rd I had an appointment with my nephrologist from my kidney transplant team. All is well! I am progressing according to my lab values and so far.....so good. I am more than half way through my 90 days of what is considered the most crucial time for potential rejection and my doctor's say I can return to work on May 3rd. My strength and stamina increase daily. I am walking almost 3 miles every other day and before my transplant I could hardly make it one block without tiring or becoming short of breath! I have dropped 45 pounds of which they tell me approximately 30 were fluid from my kidney's not functioning. I am doing some volunteer work a few hours a week which also facilitates my improvement and will not put me into culture shock when I return to work full time. I am happy and very thankful to God and to all of you who have prayed and encouraged me and have served in so many practical ways.
Rich, my donor is doing very well also. He returned to work two weeks after surgery. We speak weekly and it is my hope to visit he, Carolina and Gabriella in the Fall.
I have been blessed in so many ways. I have seen and experienced the power of communal prayer, the love of family and friends and not to take anything for granted. I am learning to take every day as a new one and what does it have to offer. How can I serve? How can I make a difference and how can I "let go" of what was and embrace "what is.?"
In all of this the "Journey of Lent" continues. What timing for me to experience all of this during this season. I have found how deeply I am grateful to God and how deeply fickle I can be. It has been a time of great challenge to my inner man. One that exposes not only the light but with the same light it shines upon my darkness. This has been disconcerting and also causing me to be authentic, real and I even think the word......truth comes to mind regarding myself. How this experience has shown me the mercy and unconditional love of God and yet when I am asked to go deeper I whince. This is the very question that I must ask myself and face this Holy of Weeks. Will I allow the light of the Cross to expose my darkness? Will I surrender and let go? Will I travel the road to Jerusalem as Christ did and take up my cross daily. Jerusalem for me personally means the journey within my soul, the shedding of what was through putting to death those things that have plagued me and waiting in joyful hope for the resurrection. The resurrection of Christ within who will transform my disfugured and dark self into his resurrected and glorious life. . I share with you excerpts from my journal.
Have a blessed and most sacred Holy Week.
Blessings,
Bill
"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19
You ask of me to let go of my possessions, distractions of mind and deed, what I think best and to trust you. To trust that you, by giving me new life want a change, a turning away from that which I have known and to turn to the unknown; You, Christ Jesus who dwells richly within. Turn to the Cross and surrender and in so doing not only dying to myself, my “perfect” plans but to my old way of thinking, doing. You have been so gracious to me, giving me a new life, a new beginning. What is it You ask of me? To be selfless, remember the poor; the poor in spirit, the poor in economics. This is not an easy saying but one that You have asked through the ages and ask again. In it a direction, a path “Take up your cross and follow me.” May I be open to that path, willing, by Your grace to allow You to unfold in me your will, your desire for whatever days you have given me to serve upon this earth.
This means change, a new way of thinking, of being. Only by your grace can I possibly do this. Only by your grace can I hear your voice as you practically speak to me not only in that still, small voice but also through humanity, through the poor, sick and dying. May I have ears to hear by your mercy.
You Have Given To Me
A new life
You have given me
For out of your womb
The womb of your eternal plan
You breathe your Being upon me
You whisper,
No….you proclaim
Behold I do a new thing
Remember not the things of your past
Even now it shall spring forth and this you will know eyes have not seen nor ears have heard that which I will do for you, for you who love me.
So it is
I wait
I wait in expectation
But not only in expectation
In hope
As you labor
And
Form me.
You prepare to
Release in me
The waters of life
May I
Step into
These waters
Knowing that they
Cleanse me
But also
Give to me
New life
© Liam Flynn, March 8, 2010
A Light That Shines
There is a light that shines in the darkness
A light that at first is faint
And it draws me
I know it is the brightness
That emerges from the depths of this darkness
Death
That comes from entering
Into Your Cross
The illumination
That holds
Life
You cast Your beam
Upon my darkness
But You
Carry it out
With gentleness
And care
Because You know
what I can bear
To much
Would
Slay me
Entering into that darkness
Takes faith
Only that which You can give
As I come into Your radiance
It beckons me
It draws me to itself
Knowing that it is
Your utmost
And
Compassionate love.
A love that converts me
Unfolds me
That makes known
My true self
The self that You
Have made
In Your image
That you have fashioned
With love
And with
Care
It is here where I
By Your mercy
Find You
And
In so doing
Am transformed
By Your divine grace
By Your merciful love
© Liam Flynn, March 8, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
TRUST
The Journey of Lent
Today's reading in the Henri J.M. Nouwen book "Lent and Easter, Wisdom from Henri J.M. Nouwen" was simply entitled "Trust." It caused me to think "Where do I place my trust?" In my self? In others? In my Creator? More often than not and sometimes out of mere reflex it is the first two. Why isn't my Creator the first to whom I turn? To whom I trust? The difference is so pronounced because when I place my trust in myself and in humanity they falter. They falter because we are, quite simply put.....human. Who can bare the challenges that surround me, that surround you? How much do I place my trust in humanity that is "expect" from them and in so doing am disappointed? Not because neither they nor I don't try but rather no human can possibly meet my questions, my challenges, my expectations! When I am not honest with myself or with others regarding these challenges and attempt to place my trust there, I become anxious. It is not that others can not come along my side or your side to walk with, assist and be of service because all of us are instruments of the Divine. But rather it is in the Divine that I am truly watered, nourished and enlightened for each challenge of my journey. This is not just for my own self or for yourself but for all of those to whom we come in contact. It is life itself. In this I, we are given life from the Giver of Life to bestow upon one another.
So often I am in conflict, so often I follow the same path but always I find, as if for the first time that my peace not comes from myself or from others but from the Divine.
"Blessed are those who trust in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
They shall be like a tree planted by water,
sending out its roots by the stream.
It shall not fear when heat comes,
and its leaves shall stay green;
in the year of drought it is not anxious,
and it does not cease to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:5-8
So it is in my life. My peace, the peace that is deep and beyond understanding and is abiding comes from this place. May it be so for all of us as we seek and journey through this life. May we find comfort and consolation on the road from one another but may our trust be firmly planted in the Divine, the God of Mercy.
I trust this season of Lent has already begun to do its work in each of you and may you be strengthened and given abundant grace for this Lenten Journey.
Blessings,
Bill
Today's reading in the Henri J.M. Nouwen book "Lent and Easter, Wisdom from Henri J.M. Nouwen" was simply entitled "Trust." It caused me to think "Where do I place my trust?" In my self? In others? In my Creator? More often than not and sometimes out of mere reflex it is the first two. Why isn't my Creator the first to whom I turn? To whom I trust? The difference is so pronounced because when I place my trust in myself and in humanity they falter. They falter because we are, quite simply put.....human. Who can bare the challenges that surround me, that surround you? How much do I place my trust in humanity that is "expect" from them and in so doing am disappointed? Not because neither they nor I don't try but rather no human can possibly meet my questions, my challenges, my expectations! When I am not honest with myself or with others regarding these challenges and attempt to place my trust there, I become anxious. It is not that others can not come along my side or your side to walk with, assist and be of service because all of us are instruments of the Divine. But rather it is in the Divine that I am truly watered, nourished and enlightened for each challenge of my journey. This is not just for my own self or for yourself but for all of those to whom we come in contact. It is life itself. In this I, we are given life from the Giver of Life to bestow upon one another.
So often I am in conflict, so often I follow the same path but always I find, as if for the first time that my peace not comes from myself or from others but from the Divine.
"Blessed are those who trust in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
They shall be like a tree planted by water,
sending out its roots by the stream.
It shall not fear when heat comes,
and its leaves shall stay green;
in the year of drought it is not anxious,
and it does not cease to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:5-8
So it is in my life. My peace, the peace that is deep and beyond understanding and is abiding comes from this place. May it be so for all of us as we seek and journey through this life. May we find comfort and consolation on the road from one another but may our trust be firmly planted in the Divine, the God of Mercy.
I trust this season of Lent has already begun to do its work in each of you and may you be strengthened and given abundant grace for this Lenten Journey.
Blessings,
Bill
Friday, February 19, 2010
SEASON OF RENEWAL
Lent is one of my favorite seasons in the liturgical calendar because its true meaning is Spring, a season for renewal, new life. It allows me to be mindful as to what I am asked to disengage from and to turn to the God of Mercy. What are the things that have held me in captivity? Where do I need to change in thought, word and deed? What will bring me closer to God who lovingly calls to me to "turn and come to the Giver of Life who is full of mercy?"
This year the focus, I believe I have been asked to look at is "Criticism." Not only what I say but what I think, even in subtle ways and how I behave. I tried my hardest to deny that request but it came back to me time and time again. Hmmmm......I wonder how much my speech will be decreased? What am I asked? To show mercy as I have been shown mercy, not to judge as I am not judged and to pray for conversion and transformation of heart. Not only pray for myself but for others to whom I sub-consciously and sometimes blatantly judge and criticize.
So often, especially in these past few months I have spoken of physical healing but could it be that something even greater and deeper wants to take place? Take place within my heart, within my mind? A healing that encompasses my very soul.
This year as I did two years ago I am reading "Lent and Easter, Wisdom from Henri J.M. Nouwen." It gently speaks of this conversion and suggests practical ways that we can live out this transformation in our daily lives. I recommend it for those who have not perhaps chosen a book for reflection this Lenten Season.
I will refrain at this time to write about my physical health suffice to say I am improving daily and gaining in strength. This no doubt from your prayers and well wishes.
Blessings to each of you and may this season of Lent bring renewal, restoration and new life.
Bill
EMBRACE ME, LORD
Hold me Lord
Embrace me
In Your
Arms
Tenderly a loving Father
May I collapse completely
Into you breast
And weep
The prayers of repentance
And fall deeply
Into your everlasting love
You are merciful
O heavenly God
Who pardons
My sins
As far as the
East is from the West
Your memory is short
And you have no recollection
Of my sins
When I say
Father, forgive me
Return to me
The delight of my deliverance
And may I proclaim
And rejoice your faithfulness and love
© William Simpson, February 18, 2010
This year the focus, I believe I have been asked to look at is "Criticism." Not only what I say but what I think, even in subtle ways and how I behave. I tried my hardest to deny that request but it came back to me time and time again. Hmmmm......I wonder how much my speech will be decreased? What am I asked? To show mercy as I have been shown mercy, not to judge as I am not judged and to pray for conversion and transformation of heart. Not only pray for myself but for others to whom I sub-consciously and sometimes blatantly judge and criticize.
So often, especially in these past few months I have spoken of physical healing but could it be that something even greater and deeper wants to take place? Take place within my heart, within my mind? A healing that encompasses my very soul.
This year as I did two years ago I am reading "Lent and Easter, Wisdom from Henri J.M. Nouwen." It gently speaks of this conversion and suggests practical ways that we can live out this transformation in our daily lives. I recommend it for those who have not perhaps chosen a book for reflection this Lenten Season.
I will refrain at this time to write about my physical health suffice to say I am improving daily and gaining in strength. This no doubt from your prayers and well wishes.
Blessings to each of you and may this season of Lent bring renewal, restoration and new life.
Bill
EMBRACE ME, LORD
Hold me Lord
Embrace me
In Your
Arms
Tenderly a loving Father
May I collapse completely
Into you breast
And weep
The prayers of repentance
And fall deeply
Into your everlasting love
You are merciful
O heavenly God
Who pardons
My sins
As far as the
East is from the West
Your memory is short
And you have no recollection
Of my sins
When I say
Father, forgive me
Return to me
The delight of my deliverance
And may I proclaim
And rejoice your faithfulness and love
© William Simpson, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
THE GIFT.......A NEW LIFE!
You O' Lord
Have Given to me
A
New Life
You Breathed
Upon Me
And In that
Breath
I am
Healed
Given
New Life
I am
In
Awe
Mystified
And
I wait
Wait for You
To Reveal
To Unfold
Your Graces to me
So that I
Might
Serve You
Serve Those
Whom You
Have Created
May it be so, Lord
May it be so
As I ponder the last couple of weeks I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I can not even imagine the magnitude of what has been given to me, the instrument in whom was provided this gift and the generosity and deep love from family and friends. I am ever thankful.
This past weekend I was able to spend with Rich and Carolina, what a wonderful time we had. On Saturday evening we went to the Cliffhouse in San Francisco with Tony and Betty and had a picture perfect view as the sunset over the Pacific. What a joy it was for me to have my closest friends spend some time together and hit it off! Rich and Carolina traveled safely back to Boston on Sunday afternoon.
I had my first post surgical visit with my doctor yesterday and all went well. I do not have to return to him for six more weeks. The advice he gave me was again, simply avoid those who are ill and drink more water! I said "I drink 2 litres a day" he replies "DRINK THREE!"
As always I am thankful for each one of you, for your prayers and your love. I request that you continue your prayers for myself and Rich as we recuperate and that I will stave off every infection that wants to invade and that I will not reject the kidney.
Blessings and peace to each of you,
Bill
Friday, January 29, 2010
ADJUSTMENT
Adjustment or change is often difficult and it calls on remembering the past and the good it has produced, living in the present moment with all of its transitions and having hope for the future. My goal and heart is to do this very thing!
The kidney transplant went remarkably well on Friday, January 22 and I was voiding better known as peeing before I even opened my eyes. The physician's and team were very happy, needless to say what I felt!
I was released from California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco on Tuesday, January 26 and am now at home recuperating. It has been challenging with the multiple side effects of the many new and high dosage medications I am on. These medications are to help my body not to reject the kidney (yet to acquire a name) and to ward off any infections that might try to attack it. I have had a lot of nausea, dizziness, sleeplessness and general weakness but the team tells me this is pretty normal and will take a few weeks to "adjust."
I am ever thankful for all of you. So many have called, written with their well wishes and prayers and I know once again it is what has sustained me. I have grocery shoppers, people who are preparing food, running errands etc. Most of all though expressing their love. I have not been able to return many of the phone calls as of yet but will and today is my first real day of trying to catch all of you up.
I am especially thankful to Rich who has given so selflessly one of his kidneys to me, to his wife Carolina and their daughter Gabriella. I believe it was a family endeavor and gift for all needed to be unitied.
Thankful to Tony Fletcher who I work with and is a very close friend here in San Francisco. Many of you heard his voice when he called you to inform you of how I was and am doing. He handled all of the details and is a great confidant in my decision making process.
I leave you once again with requesting your prayers; that Rich and I would recover smoothly without complications, that I would not reject the kidney nor get an infection especially in what is considered the critical time, the next 90 days.
My prayers and love are with each of you. I will write more in the next few days.
Bill/Will
The kidney transplant went remarkably well on Friday, January 22 and I was voiding better known as peeing before I even opened my eyes. The physician's and team were very happy, needless to say what I felt!
I was released from California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco on Tuesday, January 26 and am now at home recuperating. It has been challenging with the multiple side effects of the many new and high dosage medications I am on. These medications are to help my body not to reject the kidney (yet to acquire a name) and to ward off any infections that might try to attack it. I have had a lot of nausea, dizziness, sleeplessness and general weakness but the team tells me this is pretty normal and will take a few weeks to "adjust."
I am ever thankful for all of you. So many have called, written with their well wishes and prayers and I know once again it is what has sustained me. I have grocery shoppers, people who are preparing food, running errands etc. Most of all though expressing their love. I have not been able to return many of the phone calls as of yet but will and today is my first real day of trying to catch all of you up.
I am especially thankful to Rich who has given so selflessly one of his kidneys to me, to his wife Carolina and their daughter Gabriella. I believe it was a family endeavor and gift for all needed to be unitied.
Thankful to Tony Fletcher who I work with and is a very close friend here in San Francisco. Many of you heard his voice when he called you to inform you of how I was and am doing. He handled all of the details and is a great confidant in my decision making process.
I leave you once again with requesting your prayers; that Rich and I would recover smoothly without complications, that I would not reject the kidney nor get an infection especially in what is considered the critical time, the next 90 days.
My prayers and love are with each of you. I will write more in the next few days.
Bill/Will
Sunday, January 10, 2010
SILENTIUM, TRANQUILLITAS
There is a stillness and an inner silence that has taken place within me over the past couple of weeks. One that has brought great inner peace and a sense of wonder to the One who has created me in their image.
The past two weeks has had an even rhythm, one of routine and stability. My strength has increased and in fact may be even better than even six months ago! I am ever thankful for this as I prepare for the transplant. My red blood cell count is within normal range now and that in itself is no small thing. Rich and Carolina have made their flight and hotel reservations and will be here in San Francisco on Tuesday, January 19th. Rich and I will be admitted to California Pacific Medical Center on Thursday, January 21 and our surgeries will take place the following day at 10:30 a.m. I can hardly believe we are almost there.
So many of you have come to me with offers to assist during this time and while I am recovering, thank you. It means a lot to me as I experience the love of Our Creator expressed through each of you of whose image each and every one of you are formed in. You have assisted me in making this journey. One that has brought me deeper and closer to the Mystery, one that has directed and guided me to that place of stillness, silence and rest.
I would ask that you continue to pray for both Rich and myself that our surgeries and healing would go smoothly, without complications and that our team would proceed with skillfulness and wisdom. For Carolina that Christ's spirit would be with her, bless and keep her as she is supportive to Rich. She too is giving of her time, taking time off of work these next few weeks to be with him in San Francisco.
May God in his mercy fill you with his grace and may you know in the quietness of your souls his amazing, unconditional and accepting love.
Bill/Will
Sweet Silence
You
Envelope me in love
You bring the Peace
That transforms
My Soul
In Nothingness
I am comforted
Without speech
You embrace me
I am serene
In the
Stillness
Of
You
The past two weeks has had an even rhythm, one of routine and stability. My strength has increased and in fact may be even better than even six months ago! I am ever thankful for this as I prepare for the transplant. My red blood cell count is within normal range now and that in itself is no small thing. Rich and Carolina have made their flight and hotel reservations and will be here in San Francisco on Tuesday, January 19th. Rich and I will be admitted to California Pacific Medical Center on Thursday, January 21 and our surgeries will take place the following day at 10:30 a.m. I can hardly believe we are almost there.
So many of you have come to me with offers to assist during this time and while I am recovering, thank you. It means a lot to me as I experience the love of Our Creator expressed through each of you of whose image each and every one of you are formed in. You have assisted me in making this journey. One that has brought me deeper and closer to the Mystery, one that has directed and guided me to that place of stillness, silence and rest.
I would ask that you continue to pray for both Rich and myself that our surgeries and healing would go smoothly, without complications and that our team would proceed with skillfulness and wisdom. For Carolina that Christ's spirit would be with her, bless and keep her as she is supportive to Rich. She too is giving of her time, taking time off of work these next few weeks to be with him in San Francisco.
May God in his mercy fill you with his grace and may you know in the quietness of your souls his amazing, unconditional and accepting love.
Bill/Will
Sweet Silence
You
Envelope me in love
You bring the Peace
That transforms
My Soul
In Nothingness
I am comforted
Without speech
You embrace me
I am serene
In the
Stillness
Of
You
Sunday, December 20, 2009
LEAPING WITH JOY!
Today's reading on this last Sunday of Advent was the Visitation of Mary to her cousin Elizabeth and how John the Baptist leapt with joy when he heard the voice of Mary and knew that she was carrying Emmanuel, God with Us, the Savior of all Creation. So it was Elizabeth did the same we are told in our homily today. We were asked "When did you leap for joy when you had a visitor?" I pondered this question and in my present journey my answer would be when I have been met every step of the way in my journey as I walk towards my transplant. How I have been met by the visit of Christ in my physicians, nurses, health care providers and in each of you. How the spirit in me leaps when I have heard the good news of each test which has opened the door for me to receive my transplant, how it leaps for joy when I have been graciously served by so many of you in errands, a place to stay when I have needed it and your prayers. A joy when I speak to my friend Rich who is so selflessly giving to me one of his kidneys. I have had many moments of "leaping for joy" these past few weeks.
This past Friday I had my last medical test, a cardiac catherization to clear me for my transplant. The test went well, my heart is in good condition and the date of January 22 has been securely set. I am joyful. I know that I have been met every step of the way and I know that this is just a portion of my journey. The next phase is my surgery and recovery and again I have learned to take it one day at a time. I must admit I was quite anxious before the catherization and it was difficult "letting go" but I relied greatly on all of your prayers and the realizaion that I have been seen this far and "Emmanuel is with me."
Please continue your prayers and know that I am thankful and think of you with great joy. Blessings and peace to each of you as we celebrate the Nativity of Christ!
Much love,
Bill/Will
This past Friday I had my last medical test, a cardiac catherization to clear me for my transplant. The test went well, my heart is in good condition and the date of January 22 has been securely set. I am joyful. I know that I have been met every step of the way and I know that this is just a portion of my journey. The next phase is my surgery and recovery and again I have learned to take it one day at a time. I must admit I was quite anxious before the catherization and it was difficult "letting go" but I relied greatly on all of your prayers and the realizaion that I have been seen this far and "Emmanuel is with me."
Please continue your prayers and know that I am thankful and think of you with great joy. Blessings and peace to each of you as we celebrate the Nativity of Christ!
Much love,
Bill/Will
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