What is a reunion? So many things come to mind these past couple of months as I have received telephone calls from former high school classmates who are informing me of our 40th High School "reunion" in July, 2011. The reunion of a friend of mine I had not seen in over 15 years this past summer and two of his young adult children, reunions with friends that I have known over the years while in California at a mutual friends wedding and celebrating the joy of her marriage and commenting to one of them "I find it so moving that we have known each other all of these years and have had the privilege of growing older together." It struck me, we, I were growing older......together. What richness, what a journey we have all taken individually and together. The joys, sorrows, laughter and tears that make up this beautiful experience called life. I am privileged.
This weekend I travel to Boston to have a "reunion" with Rich, his wife Carolina and their daughter Gabriella. Rich, as you may remember is my dear friend who gave me one of his kidneys so that I might live. I look forward to this meeting and all the joy it brings to my heart. He is truly a brother to me in so many ways.
Thanksgiving is coming and I was on the telephone with my close friend Steve of Steve and Leslie whom I have spent the past two decades at Thanksgiving with except for last year for obvious reasons and we were discussing our "reunion" for Thanksgiving this year. The memories, what we are going to do, who will be there and being thankful for our years as friends and they too are like family to me. I know all of their immediate family members and had a pleasant "reunion" with one of his brother's and his wife while they were visiting San Francisco for the day. Although time may pass, our hearts remain close.
I have also heard of the passing of some friends in the past few months and the passing of relatives of friends; brothers, daughters, parents and how this was such a hard time for them. Also how they were remembering those who have passed on before them; reflecting, remembering, contemplating if you will who they were, who they are and for a moment they too had a "reunion" with those they love(d).
I will be facilitating a "Day of Remembrance" on October 30th and it is also entitled "So Great a Cloud of Witnesses Goes Before Us." As I prepare for this I am moved by the memories I have of those who have gone before me and that they too are alive but alive through that thin veil. I will be sharing more about this in a future blog and what that means to me, how real and how we so often only see the temporal but how in reality there is so much more, more than meets our eye but is seen within. I will invite those participating to write a letter to that person, what they would like to say, to catch up with them, anything they may have left unsaid. At lunch we will eat in silence partaking of the various foods that each person brings that the one they remembered used to like and imagining all of us with them or they with us at that "banqueting table." In the afternoon all will be given the opportunity to listen, to listen perhaps to the heart, to the stirrings and think "What might they reply to me?" and then write it. We will also do a litany for them remembering the little but yet not insignifficant things that brought we and them joy.....together. We will then place their names in a bowl with some incense and for a moment remember their sweet fragrance. Join with me if you can and if you physically can not then perhaps take a day and remember.....them.....and think about the "reunion" that we will someday have. Behind that thin veil, in that great cloud of witnesses.
All Souls and All Saints Day
October 31, November 1
Blessings to each of you,
Bill
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Who is Knocking at Your Door?
Who is Knocking at Your Door?
Recently a friend of mine who had been discerning some things came to me after some reflection and said “ Darkness is trying to creep back into my life.” This struck me because he has been living in a way that has been one of renewal and freedom but yet “Darkness was trying to creep back into my life.” I could not help but to begin to ask the same question as my life has taken on a renewal and has had a sense of great freedom and joy even in some of the challenges that have come. Where has the “old self” the “unredeemed self” wanted to return? Who is knocking at my door or better yet my heart? I have begun to see life anew over this past year, especially the past few months. What a difference this has made in every area of my life, from my physical being and every day activity to my desires and thoughts. I have had a fresh outlook of what does it mean “to leave the old and take on the new and with it a deep inner peace and yet…..the old self some times wants to be acknowledged, wants to be recognized and wants to return! It feels lonely, forgotten and perhaps dead and so it tries to live again. If I say yes to it, although it might at first be subtle and seemingly fulfills my desires, the desires of the old it in fact upon arrival begins to suffocate the new with it sole intent to put out the flame of life, the life of the spirit that dwells within me and makes up my entire being; body, soul and spirit. By grace I choose to live but what happens when I allow “the darkness to creep back into my life?” I am tempted, I sometimes walk to the door and think about opening it, I even might peek a bit but then it strikes me…this is fleeting, this desires to take my very life and by the grace of our Divine Creator I stop! I remember, even but for a moment that returning and letting the darkness enter I begin to experience life itself draining from me but by the grace of our Divine Creator I stop, I remember…..this is fleeting, in the end this will take the very life, the very intimacy and gift our Divine Creator has bestowed upon me into darkness and just as a candle becomes dim and is snuffed out so it is with my new life. This is when I pray deeply within and sometimes out loud the oldest of Christian prayers “Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner” and it is then that I know not only the rescuing hand of our Creator but unconditional love and mercy that “gives me the doorway out” the doorway that does not have darkness waiting to creep in but the doorway that bursts open with luminous light that bathes my very soul. Is it easy? Is it simple? The tension is some times intense and palpable but when I cry aloud that ancient prayer and know that I can not possibly do any of this myself with my “good intentions” my desire to enter into darkness comes cascading down and my desire to live in the light, newness and truth revivivifys my entire being, for this I am grateful beyond words.
Where does this take place in your life? When does darkness want to reenter and is knocking on your door? I invite you to reflect on this and where you see it and when you begin to sense it sometimes subtly and sometimes openly inviting itself in stop, cry out to our Creator and see that you are called to life, to walk “in our Creators marvelous light” and then be ever grateful that each moment, each day you are made new, formed more into the Creator’s likeness and image. What a wonderful thing to see, to see our Creators eyes in one another, in our humanity, in our divinity and in so doing experiencing the fullness of life in one another.
May I not ever forget to mention this is only done for me and for you by grace but also by the prayers we say for one another, for our gratitude for one another and by the hand that so generously gives to us unconditional love, acceptance and mercy.
Who is knocking at my door, your door, and the doors of our hearts? Beyond and through all things it is our Creator who stands at the door and knocks and has prepared a banqueting table for all of us to freely partake in, the festive table of intimacy with our Maker and through this, one another.
Blessings and peace to each of you,
Bill
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
"DO NOT FORGET FROM WHENCE YOU HAVE COME."
At the beginning of June I went to my kidney transplant team and when my physicians entered the door and saw me they, like my nephrologist said "You look as good in person as you do on paper." The kidney transplant coordinator further went on to say "You are the example we like to present to others when they are in the midst of their kidney disease and waiting for a transplant as to what hope they can have before them." In so doing they further asked me if I would go and visit the dialysis team that so wonderfully served me and took care of me during my dialysis treatments. I did, I went over to visit them and they too were amazed at what they saw. A man who was on the doorstep of death to a man full of life, health and joy. I could not help but to look around the room and see the patients who were 'hooked up" to the dialysis machines having both a sense of sorrow and joy. I was moved deeply. As I was turning away to leave I sensed this deep movement within and I stopped and paused and in so doing I distinctly heard this still small voice which so gently said "Do not forget from whence you came." I could not help but to be humbled, to express gratitude and be in awe, in awe of the Mystery.
As I have pondered this in my daily walking meditations I have already asked "Please Lord may I not become complacent, may I not forget where you have brought me from and may I not live as I have lived in the past. Living in a way that took life for granted, people, friends, family, my environment, the moment. May I instead live in a way that is intentional, purposeful but yet not holding onto but letting go of. My prayers have daily been:
May I O' Lord receive this new day,
live this new day,
be present this new day.
May it not be full of agendas
Full of expectations of others
of myself
so that they might be liberated
and I might be liberated.
May I not hold onto and grasp
but let go of and set free.
May I take each day, each moment
one at a time
and in so doing
allow it to unfold
as you will
and
may I
simply
be........open
Each day has brought opportunity and as the Irish author John O'Donahue has said "Blessed is the Space between us." So I try to be mindful as I interact with people throughout the day. Where is that blessed space in our conversation, in the silence, in the listening, in our activities? Where am I attentive, mindful? Where do I allow the Divine to reveal their presence, their essence, am I aware?
There is a deep sense of a deeper, new space in my life. A place that says yes, go to that place of mystery, that place where the deep mines of your being dwells, that place that carves out of darkness a light that is beyond anything I can ever imagine or understand. A space that when open gushes out the floods of life, the words of life, the Presence perhaps that does all of these things without words but simply.....is.
I know that every day I am given opportunities to walk not as before but now, today. Where fears once held me back to shed them, step forward; no longer be paralyzed but walk, run to that new place with open hands and heart. Each day I am given these opportunities, these gifts and so are you.
What a marvelous Creator we have, one who creates all things new, brings us closer to that mystery, the eternal that we live in every day but so often are unaware. May we be.....aware, may we know that our time here, now is a moment, a twinkling of an eye and may I, we make the most of it living in fullness, living in the present moment ever thankful knowing that this is our time, our time to present our gifts and lives one to another both in their brokenness, in their healing and in their fullness.
I will share more about this and how it has practically effected my life in these coming days. I am thankful for each of you and your prayers and I pray for you. Without those prayers I would not be where I am now and I would not be able to go where I am going. Let us continue to journey together.
My love and heart are with you. I leave you with this prayer, one that I write even now as I send this to you.
Bill
Deep within me is a stillness
A stillness that knows
You......live
A stillness that smiles
when I think of where you have brought me from
and where I am.....now
Gone each day are the chains that have bound
and imprisoned me
and in its place
are
the joys of liberty
Liberty to be me
whom you have formed
whom you have fashioned
after yourself
the True self
the authentic, genuine self
where
you
shine
as though through a glass
that is transparent
translucent
and
brings light
not only to myself
but
perhaps to those
who long for the same.
As I have pondered this in my daily walking meditations I have already asked "Please Lord may I not become complacent, may I not forget where you have brought me from and may I not live as I have lived in the past. Living in a way that took life for granted, people, friends, family, my environment, the moment. May I instead live in a way that is intentional, purposeful but yet not holding onto but letting go of. My prayers have daily been:
May I O' Lord receive this new day,
live this new day,
be present this new day.
May it not be full of agendas
Full of expectations of others
of myself
so that they might be liberated
and I might be liberated.
May I not hold onto and grasp
but let go of and set free.
May I take each day, each moment
one at a time
and in so doing
allow it to unfold
as you will
and
may I
simply
be........open
Each day has brought opportunity and as the Irish author John O'Donahue has said "Blessed is the Space between us." So I try to be mindful as I interact with people throughout the day. Where is that blessed space in our conversation, in the silence, in the listening, in our activities? Where am I attentive, mindful? Where do I allow the Divine to reveal their presence, their essence, am I aware?
There is a deep sense of a deeper, new space in my life. A place that says yes, go to that place of mystery, that place where the deep mines of your being dwells, that place that carves out of darkness a light that is beyond anything I can ever imagine or understand. A space that when open gushes out the floods of life, the words of life, the Presence perhaps that does all of these things without words but simply.....is.
I know that every day I am given opportunities to walk not as before but now, today. Where fears once held me back to shed them, step forward; no longer be paralyzed but walk, run to that new place with open hands and heart. Each day I am given these opportunities, these gifts and so are you.
What a marvelous Creator we have, one who creates all things new, brings us closer to that mystery, the eternal that we live in every day but so often are unaware. May we be.....aware, may we know that our time here, now is a moment, a twinkling of an eye and may I, we make the most of it living in fullness, living in the present moment ever thankful knowing that this is our time, our time to present our gifts and lives one to another both in their brokenness, in their healing and in their fullness.
I will share more about this and how it has practically effected my life in these coming days. I am thankful for each of you and your prayers and I pray for you. Without those prayers I would not be where I am now and I would not be able to go where I am going. Let us continue to journey together.
My love and heart are with you. I leave you with this prayer, one that I write even now as I send this to you.
Bill
Deep within me is a stillness
A stillness that knows
You......live
A stillness that smiles
when I think of where you have brought me from
and where I am.....now
Gone each day are the chains that have bound
and imprisoned me
and in its place
are
the joys of liberty
Liberty to be me
whom you have formed
whom you have fashioned
after yourself
the True self
the authentic, genuine self
where
you
shine
as though through a glass
that is transparent
translucent
and
brings light
not only to myself
but
perhaps to those
who long for the same.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
NEW
Playing in my mind and coming from my mouth has been the song by composer Marty Haugen, "Shepherd Me O' God" based on Psalm 23. In particular this verse:
Shepherd Me O'God
Beyond my wants
Beyond my fears
From Death
Into Life
So it has been for me these past 6 1/2 months. I have gone from being in critical condition this past November to, as my nephrologist said to me yesterday "You look great in person and on paper!" It was the first time he has seen me since my surgery. He is the physician who guided me through this with skill and compassion up to my surgery and then the transplant team began its portion.
My lab values are all great with my creatinine at 1.1, I was ecstatic! I have not felt this good in almost a decade. As I stated in my last blog I am walking at least 3 miles almost every day now and some times more. I have dropped 45 lbs of which approximately 30 lbs was fluid, my glucoses are within a tight range and I am full of energy and thankfulness.
On March 1 I began to seek an apartment in my former neighborhood in Cole Valley, where I had lived for almost ten years before my illness this past year. I eventually stopped in on my former landlords clothing shop and let them know. They told me their tenant gave a verbal commitment to stay for 2 years and 1 year had not yet been completed but they would love to have me back if anything changed. The next morning as I was discussing this with a friend the telephone rang. On the line was my former landlord and he said "You are not going to believe this but my wife and I returned home last night in our mail box was our tenants 30 day notice. If you want it the apartment is your at the same rent you paid when you left. I was literally stunned, I couldn't believe it as I loved the neighborhood and my apartment. He also stated "We renovated the apartment, new floors, new rugs, new tiles, new paint." Did I say NEW?
I visited St. Vincent de Paul Wellness Center in our South of Market area. It is a center for people to walk in off the street and participate in various programs. It mostly serves the indigent and the homeless and is an amazing place to see Christ's love in both those who attend and in those who serve. Beginning in May I will be serving there twice a month. I will be offering health education classes one time per month and the second time a month I will be conducting health screenings and listening to questions and making referrals. I was very stirred by this visit and when I observed those serving was taken by their love for those who attended. When I observed those who attended I could not help but to see Christ in their humanity and remember the words and examples of Christ, St. Vincent de Paul and Dorothy Day to name a few. This is.....NEW!
I return to work this Monday, May 3 to the LightHouse for the Blind where I serve as an R.N. Case Manager for a team that was established by the Mayor of San Francisco that also serves those who are struggling and often marginalized. In speaking with my supervisor last week she stated that my job would be changing as of July 1. I would be doing less case management and more direct nursing and nursing consultation with the other case managers. It also means I will not be at the summer camp as much this summer, disappointing in some ways but I embrace it as timing is so essential. We have been able to recruit other nurses over the past couple of years who are loving, caring, beyond competent and fun......a very important ingredient. Again........NEW!
All of you have played a role in this. Old friendships whom I have much history with have deepened and have been reNEWED, and those whom I have recently come to know in the past few years even months have all been encouraging and insightful. I am thankful for all of you and for my family. A deepening trust, an encompassing love and acceptance has been my portion.......NEW!
As I ponder all of these things I am profoundly refreshed in the deepest part of my soul and full of hope for today and the future as I allow a NEW Life to unfold.
Thank you all of you and especially Rich whom I shall never be able to truly express my gratitude.
I have been shepherded from all my wants, from all my needs, from death.......into life!
Blessings and Christ's peace and much love to each of you,
Bill
*I invite you to connect to the website below, click the "Shepherd Me O' God" song, close your eyes, take a breath, listen and let go.
www.spiritandsong.com/compositions/8450
Shepherd Me O'God
Beyond my wants
Beyond my fears
From Death
Into Life
So it has been for me these past 6 1/2 months. I have gone from being in critical condition this past November to, as my nephrologist said to me yesterday "You look great in person and on paper!" It was the first time he has seen me since my surgery. He is the physician who guided me through this with skill and compassion up to my surgery and then the transplant team began its portion.
My lab values are all great with my creatinine at 1.1, I was ecstatic! I have not felt this good in almost a decade. As I stated in my last blog I am walking at least 3 miles almost every day now and some times more. I have dropped 45 lbs of which approximately 30 lbs was fluid, my glucoses are within a tight range and I am full of energy and thankfulness.
On March 1 I began to seek an apartment in my former neighborhood in Cole Valley, where I had lived for almost ten years before my illness this past year. I eventually stopped in on my former landlords clothing shop and let them know. They told me their tenant gave a verbal commitment to stay for 2 years and 1 year had not yet been completed but they would love to have me back if anything changed. The next morning as I was discussing this with a friend the telephone rang. On the line was my former landlord and he said "You are not going to believe this but my wife and I returned home last night in our mail box was our tenants 30 day notice. If you want it the apartment is your at the same rent you paid when you left. I was literally stunned, I couldn't believe it as I loved the neighborhood and my apartment. He also stated "We renovated the apartment, new floors, new rugs, new tiles, new paint." Did I say NEW?
I visited St. Vincent de Paul Wellness Center in our South of Market area. It is a center for people to walk in off the street and participate in various programs. It mostly serves the indigent and the homeless and is an amazing place to see Christ's love in both those who attend and in those who serve. Beginning in May I will be serving there twice a month. I will be offering health education classes one time per month and the second time a month I will be conducting health screenings and listening to questions and making referrals. I was very stirred by this visit and when I observed those serving was taken by their love for those who attended. When I observed those who attended I could not help but to see Christ in their humanity and remember the words and examples of Christ, St. Vincent de Paul and Dorothy Day to name a few. This is.....NEW!
I return to work this Monday, May 3 to the LightHouse for the Blind where I serve as an R.N. Case Manager for a team that was established by the Mayor of San Francisco that also serves those who are struggling and often marginalized. In speaking with my supervisor last week she stated that my job would be changing as of July 1. I would be doing less case management and more direct nursing and nursing consultation with the other case managers. It also means I will not be at the summer camp as much this summer, disappointing in some ways but I embrace it as timing is so essential. We have been able to recruit other nurses over the past couple of years who are loving, caring, beyond competent and fun......a very important ingredient. Again........NEW!
All of you have played a role in this. Old friendships whom I have much history with have deepened and have been reNEWED, and those whom I have recently come to know in the past few years even months have all been encouraging and insightful. I am thankful for all of you and for my family. A deepening trust, an encompassing love and acceptance has been my portion.......NEW!
As I ponder all of these things I am profoundly refreshed in the deepest part of my soul and full of hope for today and the future as I allow a NEW Life to unfold.
Thank you all of you and especially Rich whom I shall never be able to truly express my gratitude.
I have been shepherded from all my wants, from all my needs, from death.......into life!
Blessings and Christ's peace and much love to each of you,
Bill
*I invite you to connect to the website below, click the "Shepherd Me O' God" song, close your eyes, take a breath, listen and let go.
www.spiritandsong.com/compositions/8450
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
AWARENESS
Awareness means consciousness/knowledge and another word for awareness is "wakefulness." In the past few weeks during the Tridium (Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday) I could not help but be "aware" of all that was taking place both from around me and within. Without were the beautiful liturgies that so moved me and assisted me in capturing, even if it be for a moment the last week and three days of Christ and then his glorious resurrection. I was sorrowful, grieved but then elated with hope and joy at his resurrection. What a beautiful moment when the angel said to the women who went to the tomb "Why do you seek the living amongst the dead?" Throughout that time I became so conscious of Christ's humanity and ever thankful for it but also his divinity; fully human, fully divine. Thankful because I struggled during this time with my own darkness, my own weaknesses and my own challenges. Why was this coming up now? Why couldn't this be a time of peace and grace? Oh, how I wanted to be comforted, to be calm but this was not the case. As the Tridium progressed I became distracted, unaware and could we say perhaps "unconscious?" How I wanted to avoid the very struggles I was faced with, how I wanted to be numb to them! Is this Holy Week I thought, is this what Lent is about and is this joy? As time went on I stumbled, I fell and I felt defeated. Is this resurrection life? Will I ever really be transformed, converted into more of Christ's likeness?
Often it is in the stillness that the grace filled movement comes to me. It visits with divine love and speaks the words of truth, the words of hope. I am human, I do fall and if I did not what then would Christ's death mean? What was it for?
This past Sunday in our weekly newsletter one of our staff wrote a beautiful reflection on Peter. How he denied Christ three times and then Christ appears to him and the disciples on the Shores of the Sea of Tiberius. Peter recognized that voice and jumps from the boat to swim to Jesus. Was Peter ashamed of those times he denied Christ and was he weak? I would say yes but that could not surpass that voice of love! The voice that called to him, to his disciples, to me, to you and calls us to share a meal with him. "I am the bread of life" he later states. Peter was asked three times "Do you love me?" and each time he replied "Yes." Each time Christ called Peter to service "Feed my sheep." Tend my lambs." "Feed my sheep." As the writer in our newsletter so wonderfully wrote, "Peter was given a second chance and was also called to service." How often have I been given a second chance? How often have you been?
I am very aware now in fact "awakened" and through this grace filled journey these past few months I would never have guessed the challenges I would have endured during this season of Lent. My challenges were not only physical, they were actually easy in comparison to the spiritual and it is not only my physical body that has been awakened but my spiritual as well. In reality are they not integrated and one of the same? For I shall not only rise in Spirit but in body and not only my Spirit lives but so does my body and soul, mind and heart. I know that my redeemer lives and on the last day I shall see him face to face. For now though he lives in me now and it is here that I have been given a second chance, a new life and it is here that I have been asked to serve.
Journey with me as I and we watch this unfold.
I am full of hope!
Blessings to each of you and may each of you know the joy of his glorious resurrection, your new life and be ever thankful, as am I that he is a God of "Second Chances!"
Grace to you,
Bill
Often it is in the stillness that the grace filled movement comes to me. It visits with divine love and speaks the words of truth, the words of hope. I am human, I do fall and if I did not what then would Christ's death mean? What was it for?
This past Sunday in our weekly newsletter one of our staff wrote a beautiful reflection on Peter. How he denied Christ three times and then Christ appears to him and the disciples on the Shores of the Sea of Tiberius. Peter recognized that voice and jumps from the boat to swim to Jesus. Was Peter ashamed of those times he denied Christ and was he weak? I would say yes but that could not surpass that voice of love! The voice that called to him, to his disciples, to me, to you and calls us to share a meal with him. "I am the bread of life" he later states. Peter was asked three times "Do you love me?" and each time he replied "Yes." Each time Christ called Peter to service "Feed my sheep." Tend my lambs." "Feed my sheep." As the writer in our newsletter so wonderfully wrote, "Peter was given a second chance and was also called to service." How often have I been given a second chance? How often have you been?
I am very aware now in fact "awakened" and through this grace filled journey these past few months I would never have guessed the challenges I would have endured during this season of Lent. My challenges were not only physical, they were actually easy in comparison to the spiritual and it is not only my physical body that has been awakened but my spiritual as well. In reality are they not integrated and one of the same? For I shall not only rise in Spirit but in body and not only my Spirit lives but so does my body and soul, mind and heart. I know that my redeemer lives and on the last day I shall see him face to face. For now though he lives in me now and it is here that I have been given a second chance, a new life and it is here that I have been asked to serve.
Journey with me as I and we watch this unfold.
I am full of hope!
Blessings to each of you and may each of you know the joy of his glorious resurrection, your new life and be ever thankful, as am I that he is a God of "Second Chances!"
Grace to you,
Bill
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Old to New/Darkness to Light
It has been a month since I last communicated and much has taken place. On March 23rd I had an appointment with my nephrologist from my kidney transplant team. All is well! I am progressing according to my lab values and so far.....so good. I am more than half way through my 90 days of what is considered the most crucial time for potential rejection and my doctor's say I can return to work on May 3rd. My strength and stamina increase daily. I am walking almost 3 miles every other day and before my transplant I could hardly make it one block without tiring or becoming short of breath! I have dropped 45 pounds of which they tell me approximately 30 were fluid from my kidney's not functioning. I am doing some volunteer work a few hours a week which also facilitates my improvement and will not put me into culture shock when I return to work full time. I am happy and very thankful to God and to all of you who have prayed and encouraged me and have served in so many practical ways.
Rich, my donor is doing very well also. He returned to work two weeks after surgery. We speak weekly and it is my hope to visit he, Carolina and Gabriella in the Fall.
I have been blessed in so many ways. I have seen and experienced the power of communal prayer, the love of family and friends and not to take anything for granted. I am learning to take every day as a new one and what does it have to offer. How can I serve? How can I make a difference and how can I "let go" of what was and embrace "what is.?"
In all of this the "Journey of Lent" continues. What timing for me to experience all of this during this season. I have found how deeply I am grateful to God and how deeply fickle I can be. It has been a time of great challenge to my inner man. One that exposes not only the light but with the same light it shines upon my darkness. This has been disconcerting and also causing me to be authentic, real and I even think the word......truth comes to mind regarding myself. How this experience has shown me the mercy and unconditional love of God and yet when I am asked to go deeper I whince. This is the very question that I must ask myself and face this Holy of Weeks. Will I allow the light of the Cross to expose my darkness? Will I surrender and let go? Will I travel the road to Jerusalem as Christ did and take up my cross daily. Jerusalem for me personally means the journey within my soul, the shedding of what was through putting to death those things that have plagued me and waiting in joyful hope for the resurrection. The resurrection of Christ within who will transform my disfugured and dark self into his resurrected and glorious life. . I share with you excerpts from my journal.
Have a blessed and most sacred Holy Week.
Blessings,
Bill
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19
You ask of me to let go of my possessions, distractions of mind and deed, what I think best and to trust you. To trust that you, by giving me new life want a change, a turning away from that which I have known and to turn to the unknown; You, Christ Jesus who dwells richly within. Turn to the Cross and surrender and in so doing not only dying to myself, my “perfect” plans but to my old way of thinking, doing. You have been so gracious to me, giving me a new life, a new beginning. What is it You ask of me? To be selfless, remember the poor; the poor in spirit, the poor in economics. This is not an easy saying but one that You have asked through the ages and ask again. In it a direction, a path “Take up your cross and follow me.” May I be open to that path, willing, by Your grace to allow You to unfold in me your will, your desire for whatever days you have given me to serve upon this earth.
This means change, a new way of thinking, of being. Only by your grace can I possibly do this. Only by your grace can I hear your voice as you practically speak to me not only in that still, small voice but also through humanity, through the poor, sick and dying. May I have ears to hear by your mercy.
You Have Given To Me
A new life
You have given me
For out of your womb
The womb of your eternal plan
You breathe your Being upon me
You whisper,
No….you proclaim
Behold I do a new thing
Remember not the things of your past
Even now it shall spring forth and this you will know eyes have not seen nor ears have heard that which I will do for you, for you who love me.
So it is
I wait
I wait in expectation
But not only in expectation
In hope
As you labor
And
Form me.
You prepare to
Release in me
The waters of life
May I
Step into
These waters
Knowing that they
Cleanse me
But also
Give to me
New life
© Liam Flynn, March 8, 2010
A Light That Shines
There is a light that shines in the darkness
A light that at first is faint
And it draws me
I know it is the brightness
That emerges from the depths of this darkness
Death
That comes from entering
Into Your Cross
The illumination
That holds
Life
You cast Your beam
Upon my darkness
But You
Carry it out
With gentleness
And care
Because You know
what I can bear
To much
Would
Slay me
Entering into that darkness
Takes faith
Only that which You can give
As I come into Your radiance
It beckons me
It draws me to itself
Knowing that it is
Your utmost
And
Compassionate love.
A love that converts me
Unfolds me
That makes known
My true self
The self that You
Have made
In Your image
That you have fashioned
With love
And with
Care
It is here where I
By Your mercy
Find You
And
In so doing
Am transformed
By Your divine grace
By Your merciful love
© Liam Flynn, March 8, 2010
Rich, my donor is doing very well also. He returned to work two weeks after surgery. We speak weekly and it is my hope to visit he, Carolina and Gabriella in the Fall.
I have been blessed in so many ways. I have seen and experienced the power of communal prayer, the love of family and friends and not to take anything for granted. I am learning to take every day as a new one and what does it have to offer. How can I serve? How can I make a difference and how can I "let go" of what was and embrace "what is.?"
In all of this the "Journey of Lent" continues. What timing for me to experience all of this during this season. I have found how deeply I am grateful to God and how deeply fickle I can be. It has been a time of great challenge to my inner man. One that exposes not only the light but with the same light it shines upon my darkness. This has been disconcerting and also causing me to be authentic, real and I even think the word......truth comes to mind regarding myself. How this experience has shown me the mercy and unconditional love of God and yet when I am asked to go deeper I whince. This is the very question that I must ask myself and face this Holy of Weeks. Will I allow the light of the Cross to expose my darkness? Will I surrender and let go? Will I travel the road to Jerusalem as Christ did and take up my cross daily. Jerusalem for me personally means the journey within my soul, the shedding of what was through putting to death those things that have plagued me and waiting in joyful hope for the resurrection. The resurrection of Christ within who will transform my disfugured and dark self into his resurrected and glorious life. . I share with you excerpts from my journal.
Have a blessed and most sacred Holy Week.
Blessings,
Bill
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19
You ask of me to let go of my possessions, distractions of mind and deed, what I think best and to trust you. To trust that you, by giving me new life want a change, a turning away from that which I have known and to turn to the unknown; You, Christ Jesus who dwells richly within. Turn to the Cross and surrender and in so doing not only dying to myself, my “perfect” plans but to my old way of thinking, doing. You have been so gracious to me, giving me a new life, a new beginning. What is it You ask of me? To be selfless, remember the poor; the poor in spirit, the poor in economics. This is not an easy saying but one that You have asked through the ages and ask again. In it a direction, a path “Take up your cross and follow me.” May I be open to that path, willing, by Your grace to allow You to unfold in me your will, your desire for whatever days you have given me to serve upon this earth.
This means change, a new way of thinking, of being. Only by your grace can I possibly do this. Only by your grace can I hear your voice as you practically speak to me not only in that still, small voice but also through humanity, through the poor, sick and dying. May I have ears to hear by your mercy.
You Have Given To Me
A new life
You have given me
For out of your womb
The womb of your eternal plan
You breathe your Being upon me
You whisper,
No….you proclaim
Behold I do a new thing
Remember not the things of your past
Even now it shall spring forth and this you will know eyes have not seen nor ears have heard that which I will do for you, for you who love me.
So it is
I wait
I wait in expectation
But not only in expectation
In hope
As you labor
And
Form me.
You prepare to
Release in me
The waters of life
May I
Step into
These waters
Knowing that they
Cleanse me
But also
Give to me
New life
© Liam Flynn, March 8, 2010
A Light That Shines
There is a light that shines in the darkness
A light that at first is faint
And it draws me
I know it is the brightness
That emerges from the depths of this darkness
Death
That comes from entering
Into Your Cross
The illumination
That holds
Life
You cast Your beam
Upon my darkness
But You
Carry it out
With gentleness
And care
Because You know
what I can bear
To much
Would
Slay me
Entering into that darkness
Takes faith
Only that which You can give
As I come into Your radiance
It beckons me
It draws me to itself
Knowing that it is
Your utmost
And
Compassionate love.
A love that converts me
Unfolds me
That makes known
My true self
The self that You
Have made
In Your image
That you have fashioned
With love
And with
Care
It is here where I
By Your mercy
Find You
And
In so doing
Am transformed
By Your divine grace
By Your merciful love
© Liam Flynn, March 8, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
TRUST
The Journey of Lent
Today's reading in the Henri J.M. Nouwen book "Lent and Easter, Wisdom from Henri J.M. Nouwen" was simply entitled "Trust." It caused me to think "Where do I place my trust?" In my self? In others? In my Creator? More often than not and sometimes out of mere reflex it is the first two. Why isn't my Creator the first to whom I turn? To whom I trust? The difference is so pronounced because when I place my trust in myself and in humanity they falter. They falter because we are, quite simply put.....human. Who can bare the challenges that surround me, that surround you? How much do I place my trust in humanity that is "expect" from them and in so doing am disappointed? Not because neither they nor I don't try but rather no human can possibly meet my questions, my challenges, my expectations! When I am not honest with myself or with others regarding these challenges and attempt to place my trust there, I become anxious. It is not that others can not come along my side or your side to walk with, assist and be of service because all of us are instruments of the Divine. But rather it is in the Divine that I am truly watered, nourished and enlightened for each challenge of my journey. This is not just for my own self or for yourself but for all of those to whom we come in contact. It is life itself. In this I, we are given life from the Giver of Life to bestow upon one another.
So often I am in conflict, so often I follow the same path but always I find, as if for the first time that my peace not comes from myself or from others but from the Divine.
"Blessed are those who trust in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
They shall be like a tree planted by water,
sending out its roots by the stream.
It shall not fear when heat comes,
and its leaves shall stay green;
in the year of drought it is not anxious,
and it does not cease to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:5-8
So it is in my life. My peace, the peace that is deep and beyond understanding and is abiding comes from this place. May it be so for all of us as we seek and journey through this life. May we find comfort and consolation on the road from one another but may our trust be firmly planted in the Divine, the God of Mercy.
I trust this season of Lent has already begun to do its work in each of you and may you be strengthened and given abundant grace for this Lenten Journey.
Blessings,
Bill
Today's reading in the Henri J.M. Nouwen book "Lent and Easter, Wisdom from Henri J.M. Nouwen" was simply entitled "Trust." It caused me to think "Where do I place my trust?" In my self? In others? In my Creator? More often than not and sometimes out of mere reflex it is the first two. Why isn't my Creator the first to whom I turn? To whom I trust? The difference is so pronounced because when I place my trust in myself and in humanity they falter. They falter because we are, quite simply put.....human. Who can bare the challenges that surround me, that surround you? How much do I place my trust in humanity that is "expect" from them and in so doing am disappointed? Not because neither they nor I don't try but rather no human can possibly meet my questions, my challenges, my expectations! When I am not honest with myself or with others regarding these challenges and attempt to place my trust there, I become anxious. It is not that others can not come along my side or your side to walk with, assist and be of service because all of us are instruments of the Divine. But rather it is in the Divine that I am truly watered, nourished and enlightened for each challenge of my journey. This is not just for my own self or for yourself but for all of those to whom we come in contact. It is life itself. In this I, we are given life from the Giver of Life to bestow upon one another.
So often I am in conflict, so often I follow the same path but always I find, as if for the first time that my peace not comes from myself or from others but from the Divine.
"Blessed are those who trust in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
They shall be like a tree planted by water,
sending out its roots by the stream.
It shall not fear when heat comes,
and its leaves shall stay green;
in the year of drought it is not anxious,
and it does not cease to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:5-8
So it is in my life. My peace, the peace that is deep and beyond understanding and is abiding comes from this place. May it be so for all of us as we seek and journey through this life. May we find comfort and consolation on the road from one another but may our trust be firmly planted in the Divine, the God of Mercy.
I trust this season of Lent has already begun to do its work in each of you and may you be strengthened and given abundant grace for this Lenten Journey.
Blessings,
Bill
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)