I Choose to See!

What Do You Choose To Do This Day?

I Choose to See!

Even during this season of Lent it is difficult for me to slow down. All sorts of things are vying for my attention. In my day to day life it is the people I serve; the poor, the marginalized, the disenfranchised. I am pressed in many directions and it is especially here that I, if I choose can practically experience the Gospel. This sounds so wonderful at first but then the practical every day STUFF happens. I think I am equipped to meet their needs, have excellent resources, programs for each to participate in and have "a better life." This all sounds good and it is but in reality it does not speak to the heart. It meets the requirements of food and shelter but there is more. Where does it speak to the soul, the true desire, to be known, to be heard, to be loved, to have a name that is spoken with acceptance and respect?

Lent is a season of transformation from darkness to light, winter into spring and I can not help to see, by grace my own darkness by the light that is shown on my heart. It is shown when I expect. When i expect these "things" to meet the desired outcome. Whose desire? What desire? Could it be that there is a deeper more profound desire? A desire for hunger and thirst for righteousness sake?

On Ash Wednesday when the ashes were placed on my forehead it was said "Repent and turn to the Gospel."

Could it be the Gospel is turning to me? The true desire is seeking me?

The Gospel invites me daily in my day to day life but often I am blind.

Have mercy on me, a sinner and may I be given the eyes of the heart to see.

Saturday, February, 25, 2012

What Do You Choose To Do This Day?

"Being in the world without being of the world." For so long i did not have a clue to the meaning of this instruction which we find in the Gospel of John. How can I be in the world and not of it? For years this has perplexed me but over the last few some glimmer has assisted me in understanding. This is not an understanding of critical analysis but rather one that had to take the long journey to my heart.

Being in the world without being of the world" is counter cultural. The business of life, our economics, social interactions expect otherwise, demand otherwise. I find myself in the place of being surrounded by the roar that wants to overcome me in noise, chatter and places me to be unaware, not noticing. Something else is being asked of me, something else is inviting me to be aware, to notice. When Jesus called Levi, and the other apostles it says he "noticed" he directed them "Follow me" and Levi did. Where is Jesus asking that of me, of you to go to that inner space that brings stillness, peace, a new way of being. Allowing the new self, the new me to step out , be other than and share with others from that space. Sometimes that sharing is without words and just is. It invites me to "Notice" to become aware and to follow.

What Do You Choose to Do This Day?

I choose to follow, to notice, to be transformed into a new way of being!

Choose Life!

What Do You Choose To Do This Day?

I choose life! During this season of Lent I become more aware of my insecurities, my fears, my darkness, this becomes evident when i am placed in circumstances where i am not comfortable, where perhaps i have been hurt or failed in the past and have never really been healed. I am usually unaware of my darkness until I am in the midst of it full throttle or more often than not when i have stepped away and have time to reflect. It is in this place that through the discomfort I sense the gentle stirrings within that speak "Peace be with you, be still." I know that voice, it is the voice that spoke to Peter and the Apostles in the midst of the storm, the voice that instills comfort, caring and love. It is the voice that unconditionally loves me through my fears, my anger, my doubts. It is the voice that calls me from my darkness of fears and illumines my heart and liberates me to accept my humanity, to receive that unconditional love, extend it to others and in so doing......choose life!

What shall you choose to do this day?

What Do You Choose This Day?

I remember so many years ago when I entered the monastery being asked that question"What do you choose this day?" i was being asked to choose between my old way of thinking which bound me in fear and a new way of being, the way of the heart. A way that was deeper, moved from within, an almost unnameable place. A choice that would certainly ask me to die to the old way of thinking and invite me to that new way of being, life.

Perhaps I am asked that question every day but often i am simply unaware but Lent offers to me an awareness, a mindfulness of the choices; old to new, death to life and thinking versus being. May I choose the way of the heart that invites me this day and every day to choose to be transformed into my true self, the image and likeness of the one i choose to follow, Christ within me.

A QUAKE WITHIN MY SOUL

There is a rumbling in my soul
A rumbling that is as the shifting of the depths of the earth
It is subtle but gently echoing
Letting me know
That change is about to take place deep within

Am I afraid? Curiously not
Expectant perhaps

For deep within the chasms of my soul
Lies a flow like molten that is fluid and hot
Longing for the moment to erupt
To explode
Into something new
Something
Profoundly visceral
That shifts the plates of my inner man
As the earth before it quakes

It is dynamic
But at the same time
Fear does not prevail

Flow molten river
Open the passions of my heart
New unexplored places
That offers adventure
Mystery
Newness
And reveal
An entire dimension
Of you,
That has been hidden

I am not yet able to speak
Not because you are distant
Not because you are silent
But rather

Your divine mystery
Is reverberating in my soul
Asking, pursing
To be revealed


For I have longed to know
I have beckoned you without words

I have sought to embrace
All that you have

But yet
Not really knowing what it is

Only knowing
It beckons me

It calls me
To the source of all life

Come o' essence of life itself
Of whom I cannot explain
With human reasoning

Draw closer and have your way
And
Let my soul quake
My molten heart flow
With the transforming energy
Of your life giving power


Will Simpson,
May 11, 2011

Madeline, my teacher

She is a petite woman, in her late 60's perhaps early 70's. Her lines on her face speak of a life of struggle and perseverance but her eyes, they are deep pools of a history that has both sorrow and hope. They speak "Look deep for I have seen much, I have a story to tell."

For a number of weeks now on my way home from work I have seen Madeline rummaging through the recyclable trash and food compost gathering the cans and crushing them and sorting through the freshly baked loaves of bread from this upscale bakery as if sifting for gold and only choosing the best. " The most organic, the most healthy and tasty of them all", she says to me. She recites the macrobiotic table like you or I would say the alphabet and she knows precisely how to mix the right amount of protein with her grains to the absolute detail of the grams. "I might not always remember my middle name but I do know this she exclaims with confidence. I have known this for over 40 years!" she states with exuberance.

Madeline tells me about the economy knowing all the right names, the statistics, stocks and outsourcing of jobs and has obviously been reading about it for years but mostly............experiencing it. You see Madeline lives in a very small apartment where she has resided for decades and says "You know I have to make ends meet, I get $845 per month and that must cover rent, food, my medical expenses.....everything." Madeline does not say this with bitterness or anger but matter of factly and grieves the state of our nation, our world. She speaks clearly , with wisdom, insight and obviously a woman who has learned from her every day life.

"I was in marketing you know when I used to work." I acknowledge her experience and she continues on without missing a beat. "I like this particular bread, this fabulous whole wheat with peanut butter and this one, this seeded one with vegetables when I can get them."

"What is your name?" she asks, "My name is Bill", I reply. "Nice to meet you Bill, would you like to share a piece of bread with me? It is fresh, see, right out of this bag and it has not been touched." I am taken back.....what share this from a compost can? Where has it been? I'm not used to this, I quietly think within myself, is this safe?

Madeline takes the slice of bread out of the bag and offers it to me but then looks deeply into my eyes and says, no, no, take two" and holds out her hand to give them to me. I pause, I let go of all my fear at this moment, reach out my hand and say "Thank you Madeline" and then I knew without another word being spoken we were connected with every cell, every breath and in this present moment we were partakers, together of the Bread of LIfe.

POOR IN SPIRIT

Over the past few weeks I have been reflecting on the poor. Yes, I know a much discussed topic among so many of various faiths. I work so much with the poor, their poverty only recently has astounded me, moved me and brought me to deep compassion. I can not do this by myself for honestly, I don't have it in me but perhaps by mercy I see with different eyes, the eyes of the Divine. It is here that I see our Creator deep within them and they are my brother's, my sister's and they are me, in spirit and in their humanity. Can I see them as the Divine does, with mercy, with acceptance, with love? Often we as a society are asked "Why are there the poor?" That is a question that even Jesus did not get into directly but only to say "the poor will be with you always." Am I willing to give of myself, be present? I am saddened often by the injustice of our culture and have found myself speaking up more and more sometimes with risk, with consequences but there is something deep within that beckons me to do so.

As I have thought about this another poor comes to mind, the poor in spirit. Here I am moved beyond words. I am moved because at some point in our lives we are all poor in spirit. We long for truth, authenticity, something greater than ourselves We desire the Greater, they I Am, the Mystery. We desire to experience and know at any cost, Where did I come from? Why am I here? and Where am I going? Can I live on this earth in fullness, in truth, in authenticity? Can I be real , open and naked? Our culture tells us "No" but our Creator tells us "Yes." St. Augustine of Hippo states "Our hearts were made for you O' God and our hearts are not at rest until they are at rest in you?" Is your heart at rest, is mine.? What a gift to be invited to long for truth but yet often so painful but in it as we are purged, we are awakened and healed and in this given new life, new perspective, given.......the Kingdom of God that dwells within us, within you, within me. May it be so and may we, may I accept this gift when it comes through another, life's circumstances and by the Creator them self. Won't you listen to that stirring, to that invitation?

Open
Surrender
Pain and Grief
You ask
that I offer
unto Thee

Open to Your heart
to another, others
that You have placed
before my heart

To bear
To take in
Not that I
Might be burdened
but
so others
can know
Your love

Your patience

Your embracing love

Let me be free
Authentic and true

Giving myself to others
Giving myself to You

Unravel the veil
That Shrouds my heart

That all may come to know
Healing and Grace

and fear

Once again

would be

Dissolved

by your
most benevolent
Love

That I might know
That I might let go
and
Give of myself

Unreservedly
To You

O' Lord

Then Your Utmost Compassion
to others

Have mercy on my Soul

Will Simpson, February 5, 2011