WHERE AND WHO AM I?

"Before I can tell my life what to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am."

                               Parker Palmer

What is God calling me to do? Where is God calling me to go? Where do I belong? These persistent questions have circled back to the center of my prayers many times during my life. 

  From the beginning, two inner voices have been speaking to me: one saying, "Henri, be sure you make it on your own. Be sure you become an independent person. Be sure I can be proud of you, " and another one saying, "Henri, whatever you are going to do, even if you don't do anything interesting in the eyes of the world, be sure you stay close to the heart of Jesus; be sure you stay close to the heart of God."

Discernment: Reading the Signs of Daily Life by Henri J. M. Nouwen

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The quote by Parker Palmer and the questions posed by Henri Nouwen speak deeply and poignantly to where I have found myself these past few months and at this present moment. When I read them it was as if a laser pierced through my soul and went to the center of my heart! I have pondered these questions at various places in my life and all of them have involved change. Change, both exciting and often frightening at the same time.  There is always a sense of shifting in my inner person, sometimes subtle,  sometimes gentle and sometimes unsettling as if the platelets of my soul were going to erupt like the movement of the earth before it quakes.

During this present time of change in my life I am  asking the questions that Henri Nouwen presents and the wisdom of Parker Palmer, "Before I can tell my life what to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am."

Where am I being invited? What is it that burns within me and calls me to a different space? Where do I find joy, purpose and renewal? Where is life poured into me and where do I pour life into others? Where is not only that physical space but the Sacred one? All of this compels  within.

I know without doubt I find these answers in the quietude of silence and solitude where the busyness of my mind can rest and take refuge. It is where I can replenish, find peace and gently listen.  It prepares me and opens the doors to community where I can pay attention to what is spoken from the hearts of my friends, family, acquaintances and strangers. It is here that if I am attentive I can hear the inner voice of the Creator speak through them affirming and sometimes questioning my direction in love and sometimes addressing and seeing where I am blind.

Who am I at 60? Who are you at whatever age and place you are in your journey? Are you being invited, perhaps once again to discover, to awaken to a new unexplored and exciting space? Consider the questions of Nouwen and what are the choices you are being drawn to?

"Before I can tell my life what to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am."

                               Parker Palmer