Today's reading on this last Sunday of Advent was the Visitation of Mary to her cousin Elizabeth and how John the Baptist leapt with joy when he heard the voice of Mary and knew that she was carrying Emmanuel, God with Us, the Savior of all Creation. So it was Elizabeth did the same we are told in our homily today. We were asked "When did you leap for joy when you had a visitor?" I pondered this question and in my present journey my answer would be when I have been met every step of the way in my journey as I walk towards my transplant. How I have been met by the visit of Christ in my physicians, nurses, health care providers and in each of you. How the spirit in me leaps when I have heard the good news of each test which has opened the door for me to receive my transplant, how it leaps for joy when I have been graciously served by so many of you in errands, a place to stay when I have needed it and your prayers. A joy when I speak to my friend Rich who is so selflessly giving to me one of his kidneys. I have had many moments of "leaping for joy" these past few weeks.
This past Friday I had my last medical test, a cardiac catherization to clear me for my transplant. The test went well, my heart is in good condition and the date of January 22 has been securely set. I am joyful. I know that I have been met every step of the way and I know that this is just a portion of my journey. The next phase is my surgery and recovery and again I have learned to take it one day at a time. I must admit I was quite anxious before the catherization and it was difficult "letting go" but I relied greatly on all of your prayers and the realizaion that I have been seen this far and "Emmanuel is with me."
Please continue your prayers and know that I am thankful and think of you with great joy. Blessings and peace to each of you as we celebrate the Nativity of Christ!
Much love,
Bill/Will
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
WITH A GRATEFUL HEART
It is with a grateful heart that I write this entry/update. I was released from the hospital this past Friday evening after 3 weeks. I fondly refer to it as being released from cell block 158-B. My last week was spent mostly regaining strength via physical therapy and beginning the regimen of dialysis. I knew I was getting better the last week when I was incredibly bored and went into whinning mode.....always a sign I am on the mend!
I am grateful to Fr. Ray and Fr. Don and the St. Agnes Community for their love, support, visits and prayers.
I am grateful for the excellent care I received while at CPMC.
I am grateful for the transplant team and my donor Rich and his wife Carolina who have taken the "bull by the horns" and have been very proactive in getting this transplant going and for their generous and loving hearts.
I am grateful for all of the notes I have received via e mail and FB from so many of you. Your love, support and encouragement and the telephone calls. What a wonderful group of family and friends I am blessed with!
I am grateful that the transplant date has been set, Friday, January 22.
I will not return to work until after my transplant. My hope is to use the time for rest but also just a time of reflection, writing and prayer. As all of you know I am an activist but am learning to let life unfold.....daily.
Blessings, peace and great joy to each of you during this Advent Season!
Much love,
Bill/Will
I am grateful to Fr. Ray and Fr. Don and the St. Agnes Community for their love, support, visits and prayers.
I am grateful for the excellent care I received while at CPMC.
I am grateful for the transplant team and my donor Rich and his wife Carolina who have taken the "bull by the horns" and have been very proactive in getting this transplant going and for their generous and loving hearts.
I am grateful for all of the notes I have received via e mail and FB from so many of you. Your love, support and encouragement and the telephone calls. What a wonderful group of family and friends I am blessed with!
I am grateful that the transplant date has been set, Friday, January 22.
I will not return to work until after my transplant. My hope is to use the time for rest but also just a time of reflection, writing and prayer. As all of you know I am an activist but am learning to let life unfold.....daily.
Blessings, peace and great joy to each of you during this Advent Season!
Much love,
Bill/Will
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thankfulness
"and be thankful in all things....."
On November 15 I woke up very early with upper abdominal pain, vomiting profusely and wound up coming to CPMC emergency. There I was admitted and 3 days later had my gallbladder removed. Simple enough but post surgery my kidney's, which were already compromised shut down. Furthermore I was still with high fever, still vomiting and had become confused. They let me know I was also diagnosed with H1N1, moved me to the step down kidney ICU and placed me in isolation. There I was the model patient, trying to get out of bed, questioning every act they were doing, setting off every alarm and paranoid as all get out after they gave me ativan which had the total opposite effect on me as it does on others. Others it calms, me......well, how shall we phrase it.....made me paranoid, confused and agitated! Some would like to use the phrase "Crazy" but I know they don't mean it!
Through this period many decisions had to be made; I started dialysis, speeding up my transplant and trying to get all of that into place and this Monday being transferred to rehabilitation for a few days. In the midst of all of this I lost my ability to ambulate, had zero strength. Since dialysis I am regaining this and it is almost miraculous......in fact......it is! The hope of a January transplant is what all are working toward.
I spent Thanksgiving here, seemingly away from friends but not really; Steve, Leslie et al, called and checked in on me ( I have spent the past couple of decades in Wa. state with they and others at Thanksgiving). Jude and Sandy who brought me dinner, so many loving phone calls from so many. I am THANKFUL. Thankful for all of you, thankful I have a support team, I have a donor, we are moving ahead. Thankful to God who has granted to me all things to come to know his compassionate love in very reals ways through each of you. You are our Creators hands, mouths, eyes, ears. In you, I see the face of God.
I continues to solicit your prayers and know, without a doubt they are what strengthen and encourage me.
I am THANKFUL!
Blessings and much love to each of you,
Bill
On November 15 I woke up very early with upper abdominal pain, vomiting profusely and wound up coming to CPMC emergency. There I was admitted and 3 days later had my gallbladder removed. Simple enough but post surgery my kidney's, which were already compromised shut down. Furthermore I was still with high fever, still vomiting and had become confused. They let me know I was also diagnosed with H1N1, moved me to the step down kidney ICU and placed me in isolation. There I was the model patient, trying to get out of bed, questioning every act they were doing, setting off every alarm and paranoid as all get out after they gave me ativan which had the total opposite effect on me as it does on others. Others it calms, me......well, how shall we phrase it.....made me paranoid, confused and agitated! Some would like to use the phrase "Crazy" but I know they don't mean it!
Through this period many decisions had to be made; I started dialysis, speeding up my transplant and trying to get all of that into place and this Monday being transferred to rehabilitation for a few days. In the midst of all of this I lost my ability to ambulate, had zero strength. Since dialysis I am regaining this and it is almost miraculous......in fact......it is! The hope of a January transplant is what all are working toward.
I spent Thanksgiving here, seemingly away from friends but not really; Steve, Leslie et al, called and checked in on me ( I have spent the past couple of decades in Wa. state with they and others at Thanksgiving). Jude and Sandy who brought me dinner, so many loving phone calls from so many. I am THANKFUL. Thankful for all of you, thankful I have a support team, I have a donor, we are moving ahead. Thankful to God who has granted to me all things to come to know his compassionate love in very reals ways through each of you. You are our Creators hands, mouths, eyes, ears. In you, I see the face of God.
I continues to solicit your prayers and know, without a doubt they are what strengthen and encourage me.
I am THANKFUL!
Blessings and much love to each of you,
Bill
Friday, November 13, 2009
Darkness to Light
It is often said that out of darkness comes light. So it has been for me in the past 24 hours. In my last update I wrote about my challenges the past month; injury of my knee, broken ribs, vertigo and most importantly my need for a kidney donor. Thursday, late afternoon I received two e mails from friends on the east coast, a husband and wife telling me it was important for me to contact them. I did and he said to me "I am your donor, I am your match." I was stunned not knowing what to say except thank you but really my gratitude is so deep. This person I have known since I was 22, my best friend in college and someone who I have not lost touch with over the years. He was like and is to this day like a brother to me, a soul/heart connection if you will. Also I was informed that his wife also stepped forward to donate.....what can I say? There were 4 friends who came forward when the need for a kidney became known, they selflessly gave of themselves and I have deep love and admiration for each of them. I am a blessed man. As for my friend from the east coast he is giving me literally, the gift of life!
There are now many steps and plans for us to take and I solicit your prayers and thoughts that all will be done smoothly and in perfect time.
It is true.....from darkness......comes light!
Peace and grace to each of you,
Bill
Friday, November 6, 2009
An Update
I have created the blog Penitus Iter Itineris (an inner journey) to update all of you who have been inquiring about my health and also my reflections as I take this journey called "life." I thank you for your love, prayers and words of encouragement over these past few months and your faithfulness and loyalty in "checking in" periodically. I can not express to you how much it has meant and how much it means to me.
Since I wrote you in June regarding my need for a kidney and how I am now on the kidney transplant list at California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco life has been a bit of a roller coaster ride, with great highs and great depths when you feel like the bottom is going to fall out! Four people stepped forward to be tested to be considered to donate a kidney for me. One person was ruled out due to health, the second was almost a go but in the end due to some personal issues is not able to commit at this time and I have been told the other two have been tested. One has heard, the other has not and I am waiting to see if they step forward to take the next step. In general I have been well. I live a full life; working, active in facilitating contemplative groups and having days of quietude and rest. As the months have progressed my energy level has plummeted quite a bit and I have become very anemic. This has been somewhat remedied by me taking a drug called Procrit, which I inject every two weeks to increase my red blood cells and to try and bring my blood count to normal levels. By doing this it increases my energy but I must admit I have had to scale down my commitments over the past few weeks.
My last appointment with my nephrologist (kidney specialist) was on the 28th of October. At that time my physician said that if by my next appointment on December 3 I have not secured a donor I would most likely have to consider dialysis. My creatinine levels have been increasing on a much faster rate the past couple of months and it is now time to take a serious look at this. I was hoping to avoid this step but now am unsure that that will be a reality.
On another unrelated note the past three weeks have been challenging. I fell three weeks ago, severely bruised and sprained my right knee and broke two ribs. On Monday, November 2 I woke up with the room spinning, became very ill and could hardly stand up. I went to the emergency room where they admitted me for 3 days and said I had Vertigo and a "virus"in my inner ear. I seem to have recovered but am taking the rest of the week off and resting and using it as a time of reflection. I know I sound like a train wreck but as Julian of Norwich said "All Shall Be Well."
What has this meant for my interior journey? Sloooowww Down, be attentive, listen, let go.... Be not afraid, trust. Be real, honest about my feelings, my fears, my hopes and to know that my life "is in his hands."
I know that it is all of your prayers that has made and is making that is granting to me inner strength and I am truly grateful to each of you and ask that you will be blessed with deep peace in these coming days.
As you pray please pray for a donor to step forward but most of all that Christ's peace would abide.
Blessings to each of you,
Bill
Since I wrote you in June regarding my need for a kidney and how I am now on the kidney transplant list at California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco life has been a bit of a roller coaster ride, with great highs and great depths when you feel like the bottom is going to fall out! Four people stepped forward to be tested to be considered to donate a kidney for me. One person was ruled out due to health, the second was almost a go but in the end due to some personal issues is not able to commit at this time and I have been told the other two have been tested. One has heard, the other has not and I am waiting to see if they step forward to take the next step. In general I have been well. I live a full life; working, active in facilitating contemplative groups and having days of quietude and rest. As the months have progressed my energy level has plummeted quite a bit and I have become very anemic. This has been somewhat remedied by me taking a drug called Procrit, which I inject every two weeks to increase my red blood cells and to try and bring my blood count to normal levels. By doing this it increases my energy but I must admit I have had to scale down my commitments over the past few weeks.
My last appointment with my nephrologist (kidney specialist) was on the 28th of October. At that time my physician said that if by my next appointment on December 3 I have not secured a donor I would most likely have to consider dialysis. My creatinine levels have been increasing on a much faster rate the past couple of months and it is now time to take a serious look at this. I was hoping to avoid this step but now am unsure that that will be a reality.
On another unrelated note the past three weeks have been challenging. I fell three weeks ago, severely bruised and sprained my right knee and broke two ribs. On Monday, November 2 I woke up with the room spinning, became very ill and could hardly stand up. I went to the emergency room where they admitted me for 3 days and said I had Vertigo and a "virus"in my inner ear. I seem to have recovered but am taking the rest of the week off and resting and using it as a time of reflection. I know I sound like a train wreck but as Julian of Norwich said "All Shall Be Well."
What has this meant for my interior journey? Sloooowww Down, be attentive, listen, let go.... Be not afraid, trust. Be real, honest about my feelings, my fears, my hopes and to know that my life "is in his hands."
I know that it is all of your prayers that has made and is making that is granting to me inner strength and I am truly grateful to each of you and ask that you will be blessed with deep peace in these coming days.
As you pray please pray for a donor to step forward but most of all that Christ's peace would abide.
Blessings to each of you,
Bill
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