Tuesday, December 28, 2010

An Alarming Reflection

This week we read of the Magi who left to follow the star that was above the place that the King of all of Creation laid. Before going they visited Herod, the so-called king of the Jews. As I was reading I was taken back, afraid of what I saw, what I felt. Could I be Herod? How could this be, how could I relate to such a vile character? I saw Herod as he was fearful, wanting to hold onto power, prestige and perhaps even afraid of what was to come, the future. He was deceitful, manipulative and schemed to maintain his authority and power, no matter what it took! Do I have that within me? Do I also have a side that both consciously and subconsciously does these things? How frightening, how utterly and thoroughly repelling!
Then there are the Magi who sought after the Star; the bright light that shown in the darkness that was the sign where Emmanuel, the true King was. The one, who redeemed, released and freed, who brought Salvation to all of humanity. I am thankful, I want to journey with them this week, I want to turn from my darkness, to the marvelous light, fall down on my knees, repent and……..worship Him

Thursday, December 23, 2010

BREAK FORTH

BREAK FORTH

All of Creation
Breaks forth this night
Stars burst forth their radiance
Moon illuminates the sky

For on this night
In the City of David
Is born
A Savior
Christ the Lord

Celestial Choirs sing in jubilation
All heaven and earth are moved
For Divine becomes Incarnate
And
All, All
Kneel and fall prostrate
In reverence
In awe

Redeemer, Savior
Healer and Counselor

Deliverer,
Who ushers us
Out of the darkness and secrets of our hearts
That is as chains that bind
And weights that hold
Frees us from shame
And splits open
The pathways of our hearts
So no longer
Are we afraid
No longer do we carry
The lies
That has
Paralyzed us

Instead

Mercy, grace and forgiveness
Truth, light and liberty
Are ours

For unto us this day
In the fortress of our hearts
Is born
A Savior
Christ the Lord

May we with immense jubilation
Rejoice
Be Glad
For
The Word
Has become
Flesh


Will Simpson, December 24, 2010

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A JOURNEY

A JOURNEY

Dark, Cold, Desolate
Alone

On a journey
Through a desert

What were they thinking?
What were they feeling?

Isolation
Hope

Fear
Expectation

Loneliness
Comfort

Distress

On the road

Pain

Knocking on this door
That door

No room,
No place

Rejection
Discouragement

Unwelcome

Perseverance
A glimmer
A place to rest
To give birth

Not where they expected
Perhaps not even what they wanted
But still
They were ready

They were pregnant
Due to deliver
To give birth

Is it not the same for us?
Often a solitary journey
One with pain, with sorrow
Rejection as we knock on the doors
To be let in

To have a place of comfort
Perhaps with one another
And sometimes

It comes
where
we least expect it

Alone
Or in a place we would not choose by ourselves
But we have been searching on this journey
This road of life

Sometimes seemingly without hope
In a wasteland
We search for that place
To give birth

For we are pregnant

Expecting with desire

For the Truth

The Answer

Hope never-ending

To live

Now

Are we willing to go
To that place?
To that place we often fear
That place of being alone
Not with a crowd
Not in comfort
But by and with ourselves
And here in this quiet place
Allow the angels themselves
Come to us and say
“Glory to God in the Highest
and peace to all people on earth”
and then
Out of the center of our being

Emerges
the
New Born King!

Will Simpson, December 20, 2010

Saturday, December 18, 2010

AN INVITATION

What was it like for a young girl to be invited to carry within the Divine in human form?
Fear,
Awe,
Acceptance
Mystery

How can this be she exclaimed
I a virgin

“You shall conceive not by a man but by the Holy Spirit
The Spirit of the Most High God”

His name shall be Emmanuel, God with us
Counselor, Prince of Peace
And
The Salvation of all of humanity

Perplexed, puzzled, pondering

And then

A deep inner sigh

Profound humility

Acceptance

Let it be done unto me according to your Spirit

And so it happened

Days, weeks, months

Churnings, kicking,
Pain

Expecting, waiting, hope
Getting to know
Deeply within who dwells

A transformation from within
And from without

Soon a birth
A new life

What do you say?
What do I say?
When
I am asked the same?

Asked to recognize
The Divine within
The Christ

Is it also not puzzling?
Is it not something to ponder?

Are we too not like that young girl
Who conceived by the Spirit?
To
Receive
And to bear within us
His son
The Savior of the World
The Prince of Peace
That we too
May know
Salvation
Freedom
Liberty
And in so doing
As Christ became Human
We experience
The Divine

We too are puzzled, perplexed
Ponder

And for us also
Profound humility
Must take place for us
To respond
As that young girl

With

Yes, let it be done unto me according to your spirit

Let it be so

We wait for you
We expect you
In this Advent Season

Come Lord Jesus
Blossom within
Our hearts

Will Simpson, December

AN INVITATION

What was it like for a young girl to be invited to carry within the Divine in human form?
Fear,
Awe,
Acceptance
Mystery

How can this be she exclaimed
I an a virgin

“You shall conceive not by a man but by the Holy Spirit
The Spirit of the Most High God”

His name shall be Emmanuel, God with us
Counselor, Prince of Peace
And
The Salvation of all of humanity

Perplexed, puzzled, pondering

And then

A deep inner sigh

Profound humility

Acceptance

Let it be done unto me according to your Spirit

And so it happened

Days, weeks, months

Churnings, kicking’s,
Pain

Expecting, waiting, hope
Getting to know
Deeply within who dwells

A transformation from within
And from without

Soon a birth
A new life

What do you say?
What do I say?
When
I am asked the same?

Asked to recognize
The Divine within
The Christ

Is it too not also puzzling?
Is it not something to ponder?

And are we too not like that young girl
Who conceived by the Spirit?
To
Receive
And to bear within us
His son
The Savior of the World
The Prince of Peace
That we too
May know Salvation
Freedom, liberty
And in so doing
As Christ became Human
We experience
The Divine

We too are puzzled, perplexed
Ponder

And for us also
Profound humility
Must take place for us
To respond
As that young girl
With

Yes, let it be done unto me according to your spirit

Let it be so
We wait for you
We expect you
In this Advent Season

Come Lord Jesus
Come to birth within
Our hearts

Will Simpson, December 18, 2010

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Make Ready

Prepare,
Make ready for use
For an immense event

Where my heart has become distant
Let it be drawn
Where it has placed barriers
May they be cleared

And where I have placed
High obstacles
May they be lowered,
Straight, smooth

So

I may enter into
That rest that I long for
You
To bring Your healing
Your light

Where I
with
All of humanity
And
Creation
May know
Your deliverance

Your salvation
From my
Own self
My own fears
My own insecurities

And in it know
Without doubt
Your glorious light
That directs
me
To Your
Birth
Within me

Will Simpson, December 7, 2010

Sunday, December 5, 2010

PREPARE WITHIN ME A PATHWAY

Prepare within me a pathway O’Lord
May I let go of all that hinders
And blocks me from You

You desire to come in
And liberate me with your love
And I have put up so many barriers

Slowly by grace
I hear your invitation
The voice of your spirit
Saying Prepare, Prepare a way
And I so desire this
But yet
I am afraid

What is it you will ask of me?
What is it I must let go of?

One stone, one unforgiveness
One turning away
One jealous thought
One at a time

But then you glance at me
And I am struck by your luminous love
That pierces between my very soul and spirit
And I
Prepare my true self
and
Open wide my heart

To receive
The New Born King

Come O’Majestic One
Come into this open heart
That I have prepared
For You

Will Simpson, December 5, 2010

Thursday, December 2, 2010

"At Your Advent"

At Your Advent

Is

My transformation

A change of heart

From darkness to light

Bitterness to forgiveness

Enslavement to freedom

There is a deep stirring

An awakening

That calls me forth

That beckons me from death to life

I am in awe

In trembling

Because

The very essence of You

Touches me

And

Emerges from the depths

Of my being

Where you dwell

Come o’ mysterious One

O’ glorious One

Come whom I have been expecting

But yet

You come

And I am surprised

For You come now

At this

Present moment

Maranatha…….Come


Will Simpson


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

In Darkness, You Come

In the darkness of the morning

Is stillness

Night stars

Waiting for the dawn

The moon

Calling forth the brilliance of the sun

Come O radiant One

Come and awake the dawn

The dew of the grass

The frost of the night

Melts

At your warmth

All of creation

Gently comes alive

Singing forth

The praises of the new day

So it is

We wait for You

We anticipate

With hope and longing

Your arrival

We beckon you

In response

You declare

“Arise, shine for your light has come”

and You

Your glory

Shines upon us!”

Will Simpson, December 1, 2010

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I Wait for You

In the darkness of the night
I wait for You
As a ship is sailing in a misty sea of fog
I wait for You
I seek Your beacon of light
that will guide me
out of darkness into light
all the while
I wait
for You
Anticipating
as a watch-person in the night
who with diligence seeks
and scans the horizon
I wait for You

Come, O Come Emmanuel
and ransom my heart
and all who seek You

Monday, November 29, 2010

PREPARING A PLACE

When I know someone is coming to visit I clean my apartment. There are various levels of cleaning; the superficial where I dust, vacuum, clear the clutter and oh, did I mention stuff absolutely everything into the closet and if they are just visiting for an evening dim lighting goes a long ways! Then there are the times when someone is coming for a longer visit, perhaps for a few days or even longer and maybe it is someone I have not seen for a long time and am so anticipating their arrival and can not wait until they arrive as I long to see them. There are many levels of preparation and cleaning and there are many areas that I want to have filled with light that have been either neglected, become musty or need more light as they are to dark.

So it is I prepare, we prepare our hearts during the season of Advent for the coming of God Incarnate who gently knocks on the door of our hearts and asks "May I come in? May I come and enter that place, that room within and as you have prepared your house, may I by my gracious Spirit prepare your spirit for the birth of Emmanuel, God with us within your heart? May I place within you, in your journey a longing for a return in fullness the Son of the most High God whom the angels proclaimed "Glory to God in the Highest and peace to all people on earth. May we with great anticipation and hope run to that door and open it and proclaim "Let me open up the gates of my heart that You, the King of Glory may enter in!

I.....we have been waiting for You!

May we pause a moment......let it be so......Come Lord Jesus, come and renew our hearts.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

What are we waiting for?

How many times do we wait? Wait in a que at the grocery store, wait at DMV, wait to see a physician and for those who ride public transit waiting for the Metro or bus. We wait, waiting to get to the next thing, usually hurried, stressed and already planning what we are going to do when we arrive so we can move onto our next item on our agenda. When was the last time you waited and used the time to be present, to be present in the moment and to take a breath?

Advent is the perfect time, a time to wait. A time not to be stressed, although our culture insists on it with hurried shopping, advertising, parties and the like, filling up our schedules with events and "things to do." We get caught up in it, swept away as in a raging river that is out of control and yet we "try" to be......in control.

Consider this season, the season of Advent, the 4 weeks before Christmas to give yourself permission to take a breath, relax and wait. Wait not with an agenda, things to do or places to be but rather.... be still, wait. Instead wait with all of creation and within your heart for the Incarnation of the Divine, God made into a person, Jesus Christ. Isn't that what Christmas is about? The Divine made into the person Jesus Christ, God Incarnate? Allow in that waiting a stirring to take place, a stirring that renews, refreshes and brings great hope to you, to all of creation that says "Rise, shine for your light has come!" A light that shines in the darkness of our hearts where we are discouraged, have lost hope and are afraid. An illumination that kindles within us a desire for newness, a saving from where we feel helpless, paralyzed and unable to change and instead speaks grace, forgiveness and freedom.

Wait with me won't you and let's leave behind the hurried pace our culture especially demands of us at this time of year and pause...... take a breath and breathe in the newness of life that is within us and we wait for especially now with great expectation, anticipation and hope.

Maranatha.......Come........We wait for you.........the Incarnate Word........made flesh.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

REUNION

What is a reunion? So many things come to mind these past couple of months as I have received telephone calls from former high school classmates who are informing me of our 40th High School "reunion" in July, 2011. The reunion of a friend of mine I had not seen in over 15 years this past summer and two of his young adult children, reunions with friends that I have known over the years while in California at a mutual friends wedding and celebrating the joy of her marriage and commenting to one of them "I find it so moving that we have known each other all of these years and have had the privilege of growing older together." It struck me, we, I were growing older......together. What richness, what a journey we have all taken individually and together. The joys, sorrows, laughter and tears that make up this beautiful experience called life. I am privileged.

This weekend I travel to Boston to have a "reunion" with Rich, his wife Carolina and their daughter Gabriella. Rich, as you may remember is my dear friend who gave me one of his kidneys so that I might live. I look forward to this meeting and all the joy it brings to my heart. He is truly a brother to me in so many ways.

Thanksgiving is coming and I was on the telephone with my close friend Steve of Steve and Leslie whom I have spent the past two decades at Thanksgiving with except for last year for obvious reasons and we were discussing our "reunion" for Thanksgiving this year. The memories, what we are going to do, who will be there and being thankful for our years as friends and they too are like family to me. I know all of their immediate family members and had a pleasant "reunion" with one of his brother's and his wife while they were visiting San Francisco for the day. Although time may pass, our hearts remain close.

I have also heard of the passing of some friends in the past few months and the passing of relatives of friends; brothers, daughters, parents and how this was such a hard time for them. Also how they were remembering those who have passed on before them; reflecting, remembering, contemplating if you will who they were, who they are and for a moment they too had a "reunion" with those they love(d).

I will be facilitating a "Day of Remembrance" on October 30th and it is also entitled "So Great a Cloud of Witnesses Goes Before Us." As I prepare for this I am moved by the memories I have of those who have gone before me and that they too are alive but alive through that thin veil. I will be sharing more about this in a future blog and what that means to me, how real and how we so often only see the temporal but how in reality there is so much more, more than meets our eye but is seen within. I will invite those participating to write a letter to that person, what they would like to say, to catch up with them, anything they may have left unsaid. At lunch we will eat in silence partaking of the various foods that each person brings that the one they remembered used to like and imagining all of us with them or they with us at that "banqueting table." In the afternoon all will be given the opportunity to listen, to listen perhaps to the heart, to the stirrings and think "What might they reply to me?" and then write it. We will also do a litany for them remembering the little but yet not insignifficant things that brought we and them joy.....together. We will then place their names in a bowl with some incense and for a moment remember their sweet fragrance. Join with me if you can and if you physically can not then perhaps take a day and remember.....them.....and think about the "reunion" that we will someday have. Behind that thin veil, in that great cloud of witnesses.

All Souls and All Saints Day
October 31, November 1

Blessings to each of you,
Bill

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Who is Knocking at Your Door?

Who is Knocking at Your Door?

Recently a friend of mine who had been discerning some things came to me after some reflection and said “ Darkness is trying to creep back into my life.” This struck me because he has been living in a way that has been one of renewal and freedom but yet “Darkness was trying to creep back into my life.” I could not help but to begin to ask the same question as my life has taken on a renewal and has had a sense of great freedom and joy even in some of the challenges that have come. Where has the “old self” the “unredeemed self” wanted to return? Who is knocking at my door or better yet my heart? I have begun to see life anew over this past year, especially the past few months. What a difference this has made in every area of my life, from my physical being and every day activity to my desires and thoughts. I have had a fresh outlook of what does it mean “to leave the old and take on the new and with it a deep inner peace and yet…..the old self some times wants to be acknowledged, wants to be recognized and wants to return! It feels lonely, forgotten and perhaps dead and so it tries to live again. If I say yes to it, although it might at first be subtle and seemingly fulfills my desires, the desires of the old it in fact upon arrival begins to suffocate the new with it sole intent to put out the flame of life, the life of the spirit that dwells within me and makes up my entire being; body, soul and spirit. By grace I choose to live but what happens when I allow “the darkness to creep back into my life?” I am tempted, I sometimes walk to the door and think about opening it, I even might peek a bit but then it strikes me…this is fleeting, this desires to take my very life and by the grace of our Divine Creator I stop! I remember, even but for a moment that returning and letting the darkness enter I begin to experience life itself draining from me but by the grace of our Divine Creator I stop, I remember…..this is fleeting, in the end this will take the very life, the very intimacy and gift our Divine Creator has bestowed upon me into darkness and just as a candle becomes dim and is snuffed out so it is with my new life. This is when I pray deeply within and sometimes out loud the oldest of Christian prayers “Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner” and it is then that I know not only the rescuing hand of our Creator but unconditional love and mercy that “gives me the doorway out” the doorway that does not have darkness waiting to creep in but the doorway that bursts open with luminous light that bathes my very soul. Is it easy? Is it simple? The tension is some times intense and palpable but when I cry aloud that ancient prayer and know that I can not possibly do any of this myself with my “good intentions” my desire to enter into darkness comes cascading down and my desire to live in the light, newness and truth revivivifys my entire being, for this I am grateful beyond words.

Where does this take place in your life? When does darkness want to reenter and is knocking on your door? I invite you to reflect on this and where you see it and when you begin to sense it sometimes subtly and sometimes openly inviting itself in stop, cry out to our Creator and see that you are called to life, to walk “in our Creators marvelous light” and then be ever grateful that each moment, each day you are made new, formed more into the Creator’s likeness and image. What a wonderful thing to see, to see our Creators eyes in one another, in our humanity, in our divinity and in so doing experiencing the fullness of life in one another.

May I not ever forget to mention this is only done for me and for you by grace but also by the prayers we say for one another, for our gratitude for one another and by the hand that so generously gives to us unconditional love, acceptance and mercy.

Who is knocking at my door, your door, and the doors of our hearts? Beyond and through all things it is our Creator who stands at the door and knocks and has prepared a banqueting table for all of us to freely partake in, the festive table of intimacy with our Maker and through this, one another.

Blessings and peace to each of you,

Bill

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

"DO NOT FORGET FROM WHENCE YOU HAVE COME."

At the beginning of June I went to my kidney transplant team and when my physicians entered the door and saw me they, like my nephrologist said "You look as good in person as you do on paper." The kidney transplant coordinator further went on to say "You are the example we like to present to others when they are in the midst of their kidney disease and waiting for a transplant as to what hope they can have before them." In so doing they further asked me if I would go and visit the dialysis team that so wonderfully served me and took care of me during my dialysis treatments. I did, I went over to visit them and they too were amazed at what they saw. A man who was on the doorstep of death to a man full of life, health and joy. I could not help but to look around the room and see the patients who were 'hooked up" to the dialysis machines having both a sense of sorrow and joy. I was moved deeply. As I was turning away to leave I sensed this deep movement within and I stopped and paused and in so doing I distinctly heard this still small voice which so gently said "Do not forget from whence you came." I could not help but to be humbled, to express gratitude and be in awe, in awe of the Mystery.
As I have pondered this in my daily walking meditations I have already asked "Please Lord may I not become complacent, may I not forget where you have brought me from and may I not live as I have lived in the past. Living in a way that took life for granted, people, friends, family, my environment, the moment. May I instead live in a way that is intentional, purposeful but yet not holding onto but letting go of. My prayers have daily been:

May I O' Lord receive this new day,
live this new day,
be present this new day.

May it not be full of agendas
Full of expectations of others
of myself
so that they might be liberated
and I might be liberated.

May I not hold onto and grasp
but let go of and set free.

May I take each day, each moment
one at a time
and in so doing
allow it to unfold
as you will
and
may I
simply
be........open

Each day has brought opportunity and as the Irish author John O'Donahue has said "Blessed is the Space between us." So I try to be mindful as I interact with people throughout the day. Where is that blessed space in our conversation, in the silence, in the listening, in our activities? Where am I attentive, mindful? Where do I allow the Divine to reveal their presence, their essence, am I aware?

There is a deep sense of a deeper, new space in my life. A place that says yes, go to that place of mystery, that place where the deep mines of your being dwells, that place that carves out of darkness a light that is beyond anything I can ever imagine or understand. A space that when open gushes out the floods of life, the words of life, the Presence perhaps that does all of these things without words but simply.....is.

I know that every day I am given opportunities to walk not as before but now, today. Where fears once held me back to shed them, step forward; no longer be paralyzed but walk, run to that new place with open hands and heart. Each day I am given these opportunities, these gifts and so are you.

What a marvelous Creator we have, one who creates all things new, brings us closer to that mystery, the eternal that we live in every day but so often are unaware. May we be.....aware, may we know that our time here, now is a moment, a twinkling of an eye and may I, we make the most of it living in fullness, living in the present moment ever thankful knowing that this is our time, our time to present our gifts and lives one to another both in their brokenness, in their healing and in their fullness.

I will share more about this and how it has practically effected my life in these coming days. I am thankful for each of you and your prayers and I pray for you. Without those prayers I would not be where I am now and I would not be able to go where I am going. Let us continue to journey together.

My love and heart are with you. I leave you with this prayer, one that I write even now as I send this to you.

Bill

Deep within me is a stillness
A stillness that knows
You......live
A stillness that smiles
when I think of where you have brought me from
and where I am.....now

Gone each day are the chains that have bound
and imprisoned me
and in its place
are
the joys of liberty

Liberty to be me
whom you have formed
whom you have fashioned
after yourself

the True self
the authentic, genuine self

where

you

shine

as though through a glass

that is transparent

translucent

and

brings light

not only to myself

but

perhaps to those

who long for the same.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

NEW

Playing in my mind and coming from my mouth has been the song by composer Marty Haugen, "Shepherd Me O' God" based on Psalm 23. In particular this verse:

Shepherd Me O'God
Beyond my wants
Beyond my fears
From Death
Into Life

So it has been for me these past 6 1/2 months. I have gone from being in critical condition this past November to, as my nephrologist said to me yesterday "You look great in person and on paper!" It was the first time he has seen me since my surgery. He is the physician who guided me through this with skill and compassion up to my surgery and then the transplant team began its portion.

My lab values are all great with my creatinine at 1.1, I was ecstatic! I have not felt this good in almost a decade. As I stated in my last blog I am walking at least 3 miles almost every day now and some times more. I have dropped 45 lbs of which approximately 30 lbs was fluid, my glucoses are within a tight range and I am full of energy and thankfulness.

On March 1 I began to seek an apartment in my former neighborhood in Cole Valley, where I had lived for almost ten years before my illness this past year. I eventually stopped in on my former landlords clothing shop and let them know. They told me their tenant gave a verbal commitment to stay for 2 years and 1 year had not yet been completed but they would love to have me back if anything changed. The next morning as I was discussing this with a friend the telephone rang. On the line was my former landlord and he said "You are not going to believe this but my wife and I returned home last night in our mail box was our tenants 30 day notice. If you want it the apartment is your at the same rent you paid when you left. I was literally stunned, I couldn't believe it as I loved the neighborhood and my apartment. He also stated "We renovated the apartment, new floors, new rugs, new tiles, new paint." Did I say NEW?

I visited St. Vincent de Paul Wellness Center in our South of Market area. It is a center for people to walk in off the street and participate in various programs. It mostly serves the indigent and the homeless and is an amazing place to see Christ's love in both those who attend and in those who serve. Beginning in May I will be serving there twice a month. I will be offering health education classes one time per month and the second time a month I will be conducting health screenings and listening to questions and making referrals. I was very stirred by this visit and when I observed those serving was taken by their love for those who attended. When I observed those who attended I could not help but to see Christ in their humanity and remember the words and examples of Christ, St. Vincent de Paul and Dorothy Day to name a few. This is.....NEW!

I return to work this Monday, May 3 to the LightHouse for the Blind where I serve as an R.N. Case Manager for a team that was established by the Mayor of San Francisco that also serves those who are struggling and often marginalized. In speaking with my supervisor last week she stated that my job would be changing as of July 1. I would be doing less case management and more direct nursing and nursing consultation with the other case managers. It also means I will not be at the summer camp as much this summer, disappointing in some ways but I embrace it as timing is so essential. We have been able to recruit other nurses over the past couple of years who are loving, caring, beyond competent and fun......a very important ingredient. Again........NEW!

All of you have played a role in this. Old friendships whom I have much history with have deepened and have been reNEWED, and those whom I have recently come to know in the past few years even months have all been encouraging and insightful. I am thankful for all of you and for my family. A deepening trust, an encompassing love and acceptance has been my portion.......NEW!

As I ponder all of these things I am profoundly refreshed in the deepest part of my soul and full of hope for today and the future as I allow a NEW Life to unfold.

Thank you all of you and especially Rich whom I shall never be able to truly express my gratitude.

I have been shepherded from all my wants, from all my needs, from death.......into life!

Blessings and Christ's peace and much love to each of you,
Bill

*I invite you to connect to the website below, click the "Shepherd Me O' God" song, close your eyes, take a breath, listen and let go.

www.spiritandsong.com/compositions/8450

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

AWARENESS

Awareness means consciousness/knowledge and another word for awareness is "wakefulness." In the past few weeks during the Tridium (Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday) I could not help but be "aware" of all that was taking place both from around me and within. Without were the beautiful liturgies that so moved me and assisted me in capturing, even if it be for a moment the last week and three days of Christ and then his glorious resurrection. I was sorrowful, grieved but then elated with hope and joy at his resurrection. What a beautiful moment when the angel said to the women who went to the tomb "Why do you seek the living amongst the dead?" Throughout that time I became so conscious of Christ's humanity and ever thankful for it but also his divinity; fully human, fully divine. Thankful because I struggled during this time with my own darkness, my own weaknesses and my own challenges. Why was this coming up now? Why couldn't this be a time of peace and grace? Oh, how I wanted to be comforted, to be calm but this was not the case. As the Tridium progressed I became distracted, unaware and could we say perhaps "unconscious?" How I wanted to avoid the very struggles I was faced with, how I wanted to be numb to them! Is this Holy Week I thought, is this what Lent is about and is this joy? As time went on I stumbled, I fell and I felt defeated. Is this resurrection life? Will I ever really be transformed, converted into more of Christ's likeness?

Often it is in the stillness that the grace filled movement comes to me. It visits with divine love and speaks the words of truth, the words of hope. I am human, I do fall and if I did not what then would Christ's death mean? What was it for?

This past Sunday in our weekly newsletter one of our staff wrote a beautiful reflection on Peter. How he denied Christ three times and then Christ appears to him and the disciples on the Shores of the Sea of Tiberius. Peter recognized that voice and jumps from the boat to swim to Jesus. Was Peter ashamed of those times he denied Christ and was he weak? I would say yes but that could not surpass that voice of love! The voice that called to him, to his disciples, to me, to you and calls us to share a meal with him. "I am the bread of life" he later states. Peter was asked three times "Do you love me?" and each time he replied "Yes." Each time Christ called Peter to service "Feed my sheep." Tend my lambs." "Feed my sheep." As the writer in our newsletter so wonderfully wrote, "Peter was given a second chance and was also called to service." How often have I been given a second chance? How often have you been?

I am very aware now in fact "awakened" and through this grace filled journey these past few months I would never have guessed the challenges I would have endured during this season of Lent. My challenges were not only physical, they were actually easy in comparison to the spiritual and it is not only my physical body that has been awakened but my spiritual as well. In reality are they not integrated and one of the same? For I shall not only rise in Spirit but in body and not only my Spirit lives but so does my body and soul, mind and heart. I know that my redeemer lives and on the last day I shall see him face to face. For now though he lives in me now and it is here that I have been given a second chance, a new life and it is here that I have been asked to serve.

Journey with me as I and we watch this unfold.

I am full of hope!

Blessings to each of you and may each of you know the joy of his glorious resurrection, your new life and be ever thankful, as am I that he is a God of "Second Chances!"

Grace to you,
Bill

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Old to New/Darkness to Light

It has been a month since I last communicated and much has taken place. On March 23rd I had an appointment with my nephrologist from my kidney transplant team. All is well! I am progressing according to my lab values and so far.....so good. I am more than half way through my 90 days of what is considered the most crucial time for potential rejection and my doctor's say I can return to work on May 3rd. My strength and stamina increase daily. I am walking almost 3 miles every other day and before my transplant I could hardly make it one block without tiring or becoming short of breath! I have dropped 45 pounds of which they tell me approximately 30 were fluid from my kidney's not functioning. I am doing some volunteer work a few hours a week which also facilitates my improvement and will not put me into culture shock when I return to work full time. I am happy and very thankful to God and to all of you who have prayed and encouraged me and have served in so many practical ways.

Rich, my donor is doing very well also. He returned to work two weeks after surgery. We speak weekly and it is my hope to visit he, Carolina and Gabriella in the Fall.

I have been blessed in so many ways. I have seen and experienced the power of communal prayer, the love of family and friends and not to take anything for granted. I am learning to take every day as a new one and what does it have to offer. How can I serve? How can I make a difference and how can I "let go" of what was and embrace "what is.?"

In all of this the "Journey of Lent" continues. What timing for me to experience all of this during this season. I have found how deeply I am grateful to God and how deeply fickle I can be. It has been a time of great challenge to my inner man. One that exposes not only the light but with the same light it shines upon my darkness. This has been disconcerting and also causing me to be authentic, real and I even think the word......truth comes to mind regarding myself. How this experience has shown me the mercy and unconditional love of God and yet when I am asked to go deeper I whince. This is the very question that I must ask myself and face this Holy of Weeks. Will I allow the light of the Cross to expose my darkness? Will I surrender and let go? Will I travel the road to Jerusalem as Christ did and take up my cross daily. Jerusalem for me personally means the journey within my soul, the shedding of what was through putting to death those things that have plagued me and waiting in joyful hope for the resurrection. The resurrection of Christ within who will transform my disfugured and dark self into his resurrected and glorious life. . I share with you excerpts from my journal.

Have a blessed and most sacred Holy Week.
Blessings,
Bill


"Forget the former things; 
 do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing! 
 Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 
 I am making a way in the desert 
 and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:18-19


You ask of me to let go of my possessions, distractions of mind and deed, what I think best and to trust you. To trust that you, by giving me new life want a change, a turning away from that which I have known and to turn to the unknown; You, Christ Jesus who dwells richly within. Turn to the Cross and surrender and in so doing not only dying to myself, my “perfect” plans but to my old way of thinking, doing. You have been so gracious to me, giving me a new life, a new beginning. What is it You ask of me? To be selfless, remember the poor; the poor in spirit, the poor in economics. This is not an easy saying but one that You have asked through the ages and ask again. In it a direction, a path “Take up your cross and follow me.” May I be open to that path, willing, by Your grace to allow You to unfold in me your will, your desire for whatever days you have given me to serve upon this earth.

This means change, a new way of thinking, of being. Only by your grace can I possibly do this. Only by your grace can I hear your voice as you practically speak to me not only in that still, small voice but also through humanity, through the poor, sick and dying. May I have ears to hear by your mercy.

You Have Given To Me

A new life
You have given me
For out of your womb
The womb of your eternal plan
You breathe your Being upon me

You whisper,
No….you proclaim

Behold I do a new thing
Remember not the things of your past
Even now it shall spring forth and this you will know eyes have not seen nor ears have heard that which I will do for you, for you who love me.

So it is
I wait
I wait in expectation
But not only in expectation
In hope
As you labor
And
Form me.

You prepare to
Release in me
The waters of life

May I
Step into
These waters
Knowing that they
Cleanse me
But also
Give to me
New life

© Liam Flynn, March 8, 2010

A Light That Shines

There is a light that shines in the darkness
A light that at first is faint
And it draws me

I know it is the brightness
That emerges from the depths of this darkness
Death
That comes from entering
Into Your Cross

The illumination
That holds
Life

You cast Your beam
Upon my darkness
But You
Carry it out
With gentleness
And care
Because You know
what I can bear

To much
Would
Slay me

Entering into that darkness
Takes faith
Only that which You can give

As I come into Your radiance
It beckons me
It draws me to itself
Knowing that it is
Your utmost
And
Compassionate love.

A love that converts me
Unfolds me
That makes known
My true self

The self that You
Have made
In Your image
That you have fashioned
With love
And with
Care

It is here where I
By Your mercy
Find You
And
In so doing
Am transformed
By Your divine grace
By Your merciful love

© Liam Flynn, March 8, 2010

Saturday, February 27, 2010

TRUST

The Journey of Lent


Today's reading in the Henri J.M. Nouwen book "Lent and Easter, Wisdom from Henri J.M. Nouwen" was simply entitled "Trust." It caused me to think "Where do I place my trust?" In my self? In others? In my Creator? More often than not and sometimes out of mere reflex it is the first two. Why isn't my Creator the first to whom I turn? To whom I trust? The difference is so pronounced because when I place my trust in myself and in humanity they falter. They falter because we are, quite simply put.....human. Who can bare the challenges that surround me, that surround you? How much do I place my trust in humanity that is "expect" from them and in so doing am disappointed? Not because neither they nor I don't try but rather no human can possibly meet my questions, my challenges, my expectations! When I am not honest with myself or with others regarding these challenges and attempt to place my trust there, I become anxious. It is not that others can not come along my side or your side to walk with, assist and be of service because all of us are instruments of the Divine. But rather it is in the Divine that I am truly watered, nourished and enlightened for each challenge of my journey. This is not just for my own self or for yourself but for all of those to whom we come in contact. It is life itself. In this I, we are given life from the Giver of Life to bestow upon one another.

So often I am in conflict, so often I follow the same path but always I find, as if for the first time that my peace not comes from myself or from others but from the Divine.

"Blessed are those who trust in the Lord,
whose trust is the Lord.
They shall be like a tree planted by water,
sending out its roots by the stream.
It shall not fear when heat comes,
and its leaves shall stay green;
in the year of drought it is not anxious,
and it does not cease to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17:5-8

So it is in my life. My peace, the peace that is deep and beyond understanding and is abiding comes from this place. May it be so for all of us as we seek and journey through this life. May we find comfort and consolation on the road from one another but may our trust be firmly planted in the Divine, the God of Mercy.

I trust this season of Lent has already begun to do its work in each of you and may you be strengthened and given abundant grace for this Lenten Journey.

Blessings,
Bill

Friday, February 19, 2010

SEASON OF RENEWAL

Lent is one of my favorite seasons in the liturgical calendar because its true meaning is Spring, a season for renewal, new life. It allows me to be mindful as to what I am asked to disengage from and to turn to the God of Mercy. What are the things that have held me in captivity? Where do I need to change in thought, word and deed? What will bring me closer to God who lovingly calls to me to "turn and come to the Giver of Life who is full of mercy?"

This year the focus, I believe I have been asked to look at is "Criticism." Not only what I say but what I think, even in subtle ways and how I behave. I tried my hardest to deny that request but it came back to me time and time again. Hmmmm......I wonder how much my speech will be decreased? What am I asked? To show mercy as I have been shown mercy, not to judge as I am not judged and to pray for conversion and transformation of heart. Not only pray for myself but for others to whom I sub-consciously and sometimes blatantly judge and criticize.

So often, especially in these past few months I have spoken of physical healing but could it be that something even greater and deeper wants to take place? Take place within my heart, within my mind? A healing that encompasses my very soul.

This year as I did two years ago I am reading "Lent and Easter, Wisdom from Henri J.M. Nouwen." It gently speaks of this conversion and suggests practical ways that we can live out this transformation in our daily lives. I recommend it for those who have not perhaps chosen a book for reflection this Lenten Season.

I will refrain at this time to write about my physical health suffice to say I am improving daily and gaining in strength. This no doubt from your prayers and well wishes.

Blessings to each of you and may this season of Lent bring renewal, restoration and new life.

Bill


EMBRACE ME, LORD

Hold me Lord
Embrace me
In Your
Arms
Tenderly a loving Father

May I collapse completely
Into you breast
And weep
The prayers of repentance
And fall deeply
Into your everlasting love

You are merciful
O heavenly God
Who pardons
My sins
As far as the
East is from the West

Your memory is short
And you have no recollection
Of my sins
When I say
Father, forgive me

Return to me
The delight of my deliverance
And may I proclaim
And rejoice your faithfulness and love

© William Simpson, February 18, 2010

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

THE GIFT.......A NEW LIFE!





You O' Lord
Have Given to me

A
New Life

You Breathed
Upon Me

And
In that
Breath
I am

Healed

Given
New Life
I am
In
Awe

Mystified
And
I wait
Wait
for You
To Reveal
To Unfold
Your Graces to me
So that I
Might
Serve You
Serve Those
Whom You
Have Created

May it be so, Lord
May it be so

As I ponder the last couple of weeks I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I can not even imagine the magnitude of what has been given to me, the instrument in whom was provided this gift and the generosity and deep love from family and friends. I am ever thankful.

This past weekend I was able to spend with Rich and Carolina, what a wonderful time we had. On Saturday evening we went to the Cliffhouse in San Francisco with Tony and Betty and had a picture perfect view as the sunset over the Pacific. What a joy it was for me to have my closest friends spend some time together and hit it off! Rich and Carolina traveled safely back to Boston on Sunday afternoon.




I had my first post surgical visit with my doctor yesterday and all went well. I do not have to return to him for six more weeks. The advice he gave me was again, simply avoid those who are ill and drink more water! I said "I drink 2 litres a day" he replies "DRINK THREE!"

As always I am thankful for each one of you, for your prayers and your love. I request that you continue your prayers for myself and Rich as we recuperate and that I will stave off every infection that wants to invade and that I will not reject the kidney.

Blessings and peace to each of you,

Bill




Friday, January 29, 2010

ADJUSTMENT

Adjustment or change is often difficult and it calls on remembering the past and the good it has produced, living in the present moment with all of its transitions and having hope for the future. My goal and heart is to do this very thing!

The kidney transplant went remarkably well on Friday, January 22 and I was voiding better known as peeing before I even opened my eyes. The physician's and team were very happy, needless to say what I felt!

I was released from California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco on Tuesday, January 26 and am now at home recuperating. It has been challenging with the multiple side effects of the many new and high dosage medications I am on. These medications are to help my body not to reject the kidney (yet to acquire a name) and to ward off any infections that might try to attack it. I have had a lot of nausea, dizziness, sleeplessness and general weakness but the team tells me this is pretty normal and will take a few weeks to "adjust."

I am ever thankful for all of you. So many have called, written with their well wishes and prayers and I know once again it is what has sustained me. I have grocery shoppers, people who are preparing food, running errands etc. Most of all though expressing their love. I have not been able to return many of the phone calls as of yet but will and today is my first real day of trying to catch all of you up.

I am especially thankful to Rich who has given so selflessly one of his kidneys to me, to his wife Carolina and their daughter Gabriella. I believe it was a family endeavor and gift for all needed to be unitied.

Thankful to Tony Fletcher who I work with and is a very close friend here in San Francisco. Many of you heard his voice when he called you to inform you of how I was and am doing. He handled all of the details and is a great confidant in my decision making process.

I leave you once again with requesting your prayers; that Rich and I would recover smoothly without complications, that I would not reject the kidney nor get an infection especially in what is considered the critical time, the next 90 days.

My prayers and love are with each of you. I will write more in the next few days.

Bill/Will

Sunday, January 10, 2010

SILENTIUM, TRANQUILLITAS

There is a stillness and an inner silence that has taken place within me over the past couple of weeks. One that has brought great inner peace and a sense of wonder to the One who has created me in their image.

The past two weeks has had an even rhythm, one of routine and stability. My strength has increased and in fact may be even better than even six months ago! I am ever thankful for this as I prepare for the transplant. My red blood cell count is within normal range now and that in itself is no small thing. Rich and Carolina have made their flight and hotel reservations and will be here in San Francisco on Tuesday, January 19th. Rich and I will be admitted to California Pacific Medical Center on Thursday, January 21 and our surgeries will take place the following day at 10:30 a.m. I can hardly believe we are almost there.

So many of you have come to me with offers to assist during this time and while I am recovering, thank you. It means a lot to me as I experience the love of Our Creator expressed through each of you of whose image each and every one of you are formed in. You have assisted me in making this journey. One that has brought me deeper and closer to the Mystery, one that has directed and guided me to that place of stillness, silence and rest.

I would ask that you continue to pray for both Rich and myself that our surgeries and healing would go smoothly, without complications and that our team would proceed with skillfulness and wisdom. For Carolina that Christ's spirit would be with her, bless and keep her as she is supportive to Rich. She too is giving of her time, taking time off of work these next few weeks to be with him in San Francisco.

May God in his mercy fill you with his grace and may you know in the quietness of your souls his amazing, unconditional and accepting love.

Bill/Will

Sweet Silence
You
Envelope me in love

You bring the Peace
That transforms
My Soul

In Nothingness
I am comforted

Without speech
You embrace me

I am serene
In the
Stillness
Of
You