Sunday, March 28, 2010

Old to New/Darkness to Light

It has been a month since I last communicated and much has taken place. On March 23rd I had an appointment with my nephrologist from my kidney transplant team. All is well! I am progressing according to my lab values and so good. I am more than half way through my 90 days of what is considered the most crucial time for potential rejection and my doctor's say I can return to work on May 3rd. My strength and stamina increase daily. I am walking almost 3 miles every other day and before my transplant I could hardly make it one block without tiring or becoming short of breath! I have dropped 45 pounds of which they tell me approximately 30 were fluid from my kidney's not functioning. I am doing some volunteer work a few hours a week which also facilitates my improvement and will not put me into culture shock when I return to work full time. I am happy and very thankful to God and to all of you who have prayed and encouraged me and have served in so many practical ways.

Rich, my donor is doing very well also. He returned to work two weeks after surgery. We speak weekly and it is my hope to visit he, Carolina and Gabriella in the Fall.

I have been blessed in so many ways. I have seen and experienced the power of communal prayer, the love of family and friends and not to take anything for granted. I am learning to take every day as a new one and what does it have to offer. How can I serve? How can I make a difference and how can I "let go" of what was and embrace "what is.?"

In all of this the "Journey of Lent" continues. What timing for me to experience all of this during this season. I have found how deeply I am grateful to God and how deeply fickle I can be. It has been a time of great challenge to my inner man. One that exposes not only the light but with the same light it shines upon my darkness. This has been disconcerting and also causing me to be authentic, real and I even think the word......truth comes to mind regarding myself. How this experience has shown me the mercy and unconditional love of God and yet when I am asked to go deeper I whince. This is the very question that I must ask myself and face this Holy of Weeks. Will I allow the light of the Cross to expose my darkness? Will I surrender and let go? Will I travel the road to Jerusalem as Christ did and take up my cross daily. Jerusalem for me personally means the journey within my soul, the shedding of what was through putting to death those things that have plagued me and waiting in joyful hope for the resurrection. The resurrection of Christ within who will transform my disfugured and dark self into his resurrected and glorious life. . I share with you excerpts from my journal.

Have a blessed and most sacred Holy Week.

"Forget the former things; 
 do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing! 
 Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 
 I am making a way in the desert 
 and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:18-19

You ask of me to let go of my possessions, distractions of mind and deed, what I think best and to trust you. To trust that you, by giving me new life want a change, a turning away from that which I have known and to turn to the unknown; You, Christ Jesus who dwells richly within. Turn to the Cross and surrender and in so doing not only dying to myself, my “perfect” plans but to my old way of thinking, doing. You have been so gracious to me, giving me a new life, a new beginning. What is it You ask of me? To be selfless, remember the poor; the poor in spirit, the poor in economics. This is not an easy saying but one that You have asked through the ages and ask again. In it a direction, a path “Take up your cross and follow me.” May I be open to that path, willing, by Your grace to allow You to unfold in me your will, your desire for whatever days you have given me to serve upon this earth.

This means change, a new way of thinking, of being. Only by your grace can I possibly do this. Only by your grace can I hear your voice as you practically speak to me not only in that still, small voice but also through humanity, through the poor, sick and dying. May I have ears to hear by your mercy.

You Have Given To Me

A new life
You have given me
For out of your womb
The womb of your eternal plan
You breathe your Being upon me

You whisper,
No….you proclaim

Behold I do a new thing
Remember not the things of your past
Even now it shall spring forth and this you will know eyes have not seen nor ears have heard that which I will do for you, for you who love me.

So it is
I wait
I wait in expectation
But not only in expectation
In hope
As you labor
Form me.

You prepare to
Release in me
The waters of life

May I
Step into
These waters
Knowing that they
Cleanse me
But also
Give to me
New life

© Liam Flynn, March 8, 2010

A Light That Shines

There is a light that shines in the darkness
A light that at first is faint
And it draws me

I know it is the brightness
That emerges from the depths of this darkness
That comes from entering
Into Your Cross

The illumination
That holds

You cast Your beam
Upon my darkness
But You
Carry it out
With gentleness
And care
Because You know
what I can bear

To much
Slay me

Entering into that darkness
Takes faith
Only that which You can give

As I come into Your radiance
It beckons me
It draws me to itself
Knowing that it is
Your utmost
Compassionate love.

A love that converts me
Unfolds me
That makes known
My true self

The self that You
Have made
In Your image
That you have fashioned
With love
And with

It is here where I
By Your mercy
Find You
In so doing
Am transformed
By Your divine grace
By Your merciful love

© Liam Flynn, March 8, 2010

1 comment:

  1. I'm so happy to hear of your progress physically. It always seems to be a struggle to progress spiritually. Maybe that's how God designed it - that we're never satisfied with where we are, we're always striving to be closer to Him.

    Thank you for the update and insights. Pam