Who is Knocking at Your Door?
Recently a friend of mine who had been discerning some things came to me after some reflection and said “ Darkness is trying to creep back into my life.” This struck me because he has been living in a way that has been one of renewal and freedom but yet “Darkness was trying to creep back into my life.” I could not help but to begin to ask the same question as my life has taken on a renewal and has had a sense of great freedom and joy even in some of the challenges that have come. Where has the “old self” the “unredeemed self” wanted to return? Who is knocking at my door or better yet my heart? I have begun to see life anew over this past year, especially the past few months. What a difference this has made in every area of my life, from my physical being and every day activity to my desires and thoughts. I have had a fresh outlook of what does it mean “to leave the old and take on the new and with it a deep inner peace and yet…..the old self some times wants to be acknowledged, wants to be recognized and wants to return! It feels lonely, forgotten and perhaps dead and so it tries to live again. If I say yes to it, although it might at first be subtle and seemingly fulfills my desires, the desires of the old it in fact upon arrival begins to suffocate the new with it sole intent to put out the flame of life, the life of the spirit that dwells within me and makes up my entire being; body, soul and spirit. By grace I choose to live but what happens when I allow “the darkness to creep back into my life?” I am tempted, I sometimes walk to the door and think about opening it, I even might peek a bit but then it strikes me…this is fleeting, this desires to take my very life and by the grace of our Divine Creator I stop! I remember, even but for a moment that returning and letting the darkness enter I begin to experience life itself draining from me but by the grace of our Divine Creator I stop, I remember…..this is fleeting, in the end this will take the very life, the very intimacy and gift our Divine Creator has bestowed upon me into darkness and just as a candle becomes dim and is snuffed out so it is with my new life. This is when I pray deeply within and sometimes out loud the oldest of Christian prayers “Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner” and it is then that I know not only the rescuing hand of our Creator but unconditional love and mercy that “gives me the doorway out” the doorway that does not have darkness waiting to creep in but the doorway that bursts open with luminous light that bathes my very soul. Is it easy? Is it simple? The tension is some times intense and palpable but when I cry aloud that ancient prayer and know that I can not possibly do any of this myself with my “good intentions” my desire to enter into darkness comes cascading down and my desire to live in the light, newness and truth revivivifys my entire being, for this I am grateful beyond words.
Where does this take place in your life? When does darkness want to reenter and is knocking on your door? I invite you to reflect on this and where you see it and when you begin to sense it sometimes subtly and sometimes openly inviting itself in stop, cry out to our Creator and see that you are called to life, to walk “in our Creators marvelous light” and then be ever grateful that each moment, each day you are made new, formed more into the Creator’s likeness and image. What a wonderful thing to see, to see our Creators eyes in one another, in our humanity, in our divinity and in so doing experiencing the fullness of life in one another.
May I not ever forget to mention this is only done for me and for you by grace but also by the prayers we say for one another, for our gratitude for one another and by the hand that so generously gives to us unconditional love, acceptance and mercy.
Who is knocking at my door, your door, and the doors of our hearts? Beyond and through all things it is our Creator who stands at the door and knocks and has prepared a banqueting table for all of us to freely partake in, the festive table of intimacy with our Maker and through this, one another.
Blessings and peace to each of you,