Wednesday, June 30, 2010


At the beginning of June I went to my kidney transplant team and when my physicians entered the door and saw me they, like my nephrologist said "You look as good in person as you do on paper." The kidney transplant coordinator further went on to say "You are the example we like to present to others when they are in the midst of their kidney disease and waiting for a transplant as to what hope they can have before them." In so doing they further asked me if I would go and visit the dialysis team that so wonderfully served me and took care of me during my dialysis treatments. I did, I went over to visit them and they too were amazed at what they saw. A man who was on the doorstep of death to a man full of life, health and joy. I could not help but to look around the room and see the patients who were 'hooked up" to the dialysis machines having both a sense of sorrow and joy. I was moved deeply. As I was turning away to leave I sensed this deep movement within and I stopped and paused and in so doing I distinctly heard this still small voice which so gently said "Do not forget from whence you came." I could not help but to be humbled, to express gratitude and be in awe, in awe of the Mystery.
As I have pondered this in my daily walking meditations I have already asked "Please Lord may I not become complacent, may I not forget where you have brought me from and may I not live as I have lived in the past. Living in a way that took life for granted, people, friends, family, my environment, the moment. May I instead live in a way that is intentional, purposeful but yet not holding onto but letting go of. My prayers have daily been:

May I O' Lord receive this new day,
live this new day,
be present this new day.

May it not be full of agendas
Full of expectations of others
of myself
so that they might be liberated
and I might be liberated.

May I not hold onto and grasp
but let go of and set free.

May I take each day, each moment
one at a time
and in so doing
allow it to unfold
as you will
may I

Each day has brought opportunity and as the Irish author John O'Donahue has said "Blessed is the Space between us." So I try to be mindful as I interact with people throughout the day. Where is that blessed space in our conversation, in the silence, in the listening, in our activities? Where am I attentive, mindful? Where do I allow the Divine to reveal their presence, their essence, am I aware?

There is a deep sense of a deeper, new space in my life. A place that says yes, go to that place of mystery, that place where the deep mines of your being dwells, that place that carves out of darkness a light that is beyond anything I can ever imagine or understand. A space that when open gushes out the floods of life, the words of life, the Presence perhaps that does all of these things without words but

I know that every day I am given opportunities to walk not as before but now, today. Where fears once held me back to shed them, step forward; no longer be paralyzed but walk, run to that new place with open hands and heart. Each day I am given these opportunities, these gifts and so are you.

What a marvelous Creator we have, one who creates all things new, brings us closer to that mystery, the eternal that we live in every day but so often are unaware. May we be.....aware, may we know that our time here, now is a moment, a twinkling of an eye and may I, we make the most of it living in fullness, living in the present moment ever thankful knowing that this is our time, our time to present our gifts and lives one to another both in their brokenness, in their healing and in their fullness.

I will share more about this and how it has practically effected my life in these coming days. I am thankful for each of you and your prayers and I pray for you. Without those prayers I would not be where I am now and I would not be able to go where I am going. Let us continue to journey together.

My love and heart are with you. I leave you with this prayer, one that I write even now as I send this to you.


Deep within me is a stillness
A stillness that knows
A stillness that smiles
when I think of where you have brought me from
and where I

Gone each day are the chains that have bound
and imprisoned me
and in its place
the joys of liberty

Liberty to be me
whom you have formed
whom you have fashioned
after yourself

the True self
the authentic, genuine self




as though through a glass

that is transparent



brings light

not only to myself


perhaps to those

who long for the same.

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