I have created the blog Penitus Iter Itineris (an inner journey) to update all of you who have been inquiring about my health and also my reflections as I take this journey called "life." I thank you for your love, prayers and words of encouragement over these past few months and your faithfulness and loyalty in "checking in" periodically. I can not express to you how much it has meant and how much it means to me.
Since I wrote you in June regarding my need for a kidney and how I am now on the kidney transplant list at California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco life has been a bit of a roller coaster ride, with great highs and great depths when you feel like the bottom is going to fall out! Four people stepped forward to be tested to be considered to donate a kidney for me. One person was ruled out due to health, the second was almost a go but in the end due to some personal issues is not able to commit at this time and I have been told the other two have been tested. One has heard, the other has not and I am waiting to see if they step forward to take the next step. In general I have been well. I live a full life; working, active in facilitating contemplative groups and having days of quietude and rest. As the months have progressed my energy level has plummeted quite a bit and I have become very anemic. This has been somewhat remedied by me taking a drug called Procrit, which I inject every two weeks to increase my red blood cells and to try and bring my blood count to normal levels. By doing this it increases my energy but I must admit I have had to scale down my commitments over the past few weeks.
My last appointment with my nephrologist (kidney specialist) was on the 28th of October. At that time my physician said that if by my next appointment on December 3 I have not secured a donor I would most likely have to consider dialysis. My creatinine levels have been increasing on a much faster rate the past couple of months and it is now time to take a serious look at this. I was hoping to avoid this step but now am unsure that that will be a reality.
On another unrelated note the past three weeks have been challenging. I fell three weeks ago, severely bruised and sprained my right knee and broke two ribs. On Monday, November 2 I woke up with the room spinning, became very ill and could hardly stand up. I went to the emergency room where they admitted me for 3 days and said I had Vertigo and a "virus"in my inner ear. I seem to have recovered but am taking the rest of the week off and resting and using it as a time of reflection. I know I sound like a train wreck but as Julian of Norwich said "All Shall Be Well."
What has this meant for my interior journey? Sloooowww Down, be attentive, listen, let go.... Be not afraid, trust. Be real, honest about my feelings, my fears, my hopes and to know that my life "is in his hands."
I know that it is all of your prayers that has made and is making that is granting to me inner strength and I am truly grateful to each of you and ask that you will be blessed with deep peace in these coming days.
As you pray please pray for a donor to step forward but most of all that Christ's peace would abide.
Blessings to each of you,